The free will ( eng)

4. La Isla

I worked the best I could although I felt I was pushing the limit of what my body could handle. It had been lots of work and dancing and very little sleep and food.

I didn't have any appetite and it seemed like when I ate I couldn't keep it. I drank a lot of coffee to stay awake and a lot of wine not to stay awake. I managed to eat a sandwich before I took Calle for a walk and went to la Isla. I went down the stairs and a feeling of excitement filled me. How many times I had been at that place? With Richard and even alone? Then I had rushed out of there after the class was finished so that people wouldn't think that I was nuts and lacked friends. I didn't know people went there alone and danced and made friends as the most natural thing in the world. That was not the custom at other places in the whole of Sweden as far as I knew. I began to question our culture. I had long been longing for moving to another country where people were more like me, showing their emotions and sharing their opinions. I was sure I had been born in the wrong part of the world.

My favorite instructor held the highest level of the salsa class so I tried and was glad when I did alright. At the end I see my mom and her boyfriend standing at the bar ordering beer.

-Hi Anna! How are you? My mom asks and gives me a hug and scrutinize me.

-I am hanging in there. Working and dancing to survive. Just like grandmother said, remember?

-Yes I do, she had a tough life too. But she survived and always wanted us to dance and have fun as much as we could, she said and looked sad. I didn't know what to say and suddenly I hear my instructor on the stage grabbing the microphone telling everyone it was time for "animation".

-You have to come mom! It's fun! Everyone can join. It's like " Follow me", I said and we heard the music starting.

- Okay! let's start with a little Merengue! Left, right, left and SPIIINNN!! He shouted and mom went all in to the latin rhythms and I could see where my talent came from. After some Cumbia, Bachata and Cha cha it was over and we went to the bar and I saw Rafael approaching me. Introduced him to them

-Mom, this is a friend of mine, Rafael.

-Nice to meet you! She said smiling and shook his hand and looked at me with an expression on her face that wanted to know more?

-Would you like to dance? I asked and pretended not to notice her silent question.

He took me to the dancefloor and I enjoyed him leading me skilfully with intense emotion and contact. He was way more experienced than me and a natural with the rhythm in his blood and perfect timing to the music. I could feel there was a lot more interest from his side than just dancing. The salsa ends and a new dance I haven't learned yet starts, a Bachata. It's much slower and very sensual. He is a very skilled leader and I manage to follow him pretty well. We said thank you and i looked deeply into his big brown intense eyes. Them and him had a special aura with manly confidence although he wasn't much taller than me.

-Who is that? My mother asked me with curious interest and I don't have time to answer before another man I know asks me for a dance. I introduce them and after that there is another...

-I see you have a lot of friends her? My mom asks. It's nice that you come out and meet people but be careful. You need to rest too. Come with us and stay at Rolfs house?  You can have the bedroom and we will take the couch.

-No. I don't think so. I have Calle too.

- You must come with us .  We will pick him up on the way. There is plenty of food and wine, she says and I let myself be talked into it, as always. She had never taken no for an answer. On our way out we meet Rafel outside.

-You can come with us , if you like? And have a glas of wine? My mother asks without asking me first and I feel embarrassed that she invites him him over my head.

-No thanks. I think I better get home and sleep he says with confusion when he sees my expression. I thank my lucky star that he is a gentleman not taking advantage of the situation.

-Mom, I'm really tired and need to sleep, I say with all the authority I got before she persuades him like she normally does with anyone who says no to her.

-I also need to go now says Rafael and we grab a taxi to get Calle who rides in the back. The house is old but well kept. Rolf proudly shows the new wall around the garden and the grill he plastered himself. Mom is even prouder. She has painted and likes to do handy work around the house and garden, just like me. It takes forever but she is very thurow. Soon there is music streaming loudly from the living room. Mom pours a glass of wine to me and wants to show me the rest of the house.

-I really need to go to bed now, mom. It's way past midnight. I'm exhausted , I say when she wants me to sit and talk in the sofa.

-Okay! Good night Anna! Sleep tight, she says while kissing my cheeks.

I can't sleep even though I have earplugs, eyemask, lots of wine and a sleeping pill. Mom and Rolf plays music loud downstairs. After an hour I kindly ask them to turn it down. They do, but only a little and they don't turn it off until six in the morning. That's when I fall asleep and wake up two hours after. Why had I let myself get talked into this? I was a wreck.