The free will ( eng)

SICK aid, only in Sweden...

During the following week I get worse. I try to fix the motorboat that almost sunk and get some good help from my father's friend who builds boats. He is a real angel. Without motives he fixes the big hole in the side and shows me how to repair the scratches on the sides with plastic padding, and then buys me the best paint on the market. I'm so moved there are people like him. I gave him a basket of wine, chocolate and coffee when he didn't accept more money than for the material. I sit down on a stool when I can while I grind and paint. I still have a fever. When I walk up to the house I loose my breath. On the door to my shop there is sign saying " Closed for vacation". The family who rents the upper floor is in Florida. The grandmother looks after the dog and horses. How they could afford two was a mystery to me when she didn't work? The father used to complain about it to me often and had recently insisted on buying me coffee on our way to town. I had accepted trying to keep it cool and friendly. I did not want to cause trouble. Apparently he was rich, without his wife knowing it. Why did he tell me that? I guess he was lonely trying to find another love in life? I might have been interested if things were different. He was handsome and charming. The grandmother asks me how I am doing?

- I think I have pneumonia? I am terribly tired and loose my breath just from walking up the hill, but I don't have any cough?

- You don't have to have a cough. If it is pneumonia it's very serious. You could die if you don't get antibiotics . It does not heal it self, she says very firm.

- Really? I was hoping it would pass?

- No it wont, she says and shakes her head. All shook up I take my phone and call the doctors office. I get an emergency appointment the same afternoon. A few hours later I see the doctor tell her about my symptoms.

- We don't run tests on Fridays, the young intern doctor says.

- But I respond well to antibiotics, It helped me before.

- Okay, she says and writes a prescription for ten days I pick up on my way home. In the evening I look at movies and I'm almost literally climbing the walls with anxiety and abstinence from missing all the dancing another weekend again.

On Saturday I get a message from Olof. He is getting worried why I have been away for so long and wants to come and see me. On Sunday I have no more paint job left on my boat after spending surely a week giving some love to the mahogny as well. I decide to start with my roof. I have a nail gun that didn't work and drives to my neighbor and have him show me. It takes him two seconds fixing it and then he helps me carrying the new heavy door from the driveway for the porch. He just dismantled the windows and voila there were three parts...possible to move. I almost fainted anyway because it was still heavy and I could hardly stand up. When he shows me how to weigh them in correctly I listen with interest breething deeply. When he leaves I can't help myself from climbing up to the loft and try it, like a boy getting a new toy for Christmas. I lay down on my back and squeeze myself to the end and can both feel and hear something in my back breaking. Instinctively I feel this was my last nail in that roof. Carefully I walk down the ladder. Have I totally lost it? Gone completely insane? Perhaps I should take something for the fever and sit down and rest instead?

When I have been sitting a while in the shade somewhat worried that I have forced my body beyond exhaustion, Olof arrives. I give him a hug.

- Hi Anna! I missed you! It's not the same in town without you!

- I missed you too! I'm on my knees here. Slowly going crazy, taking one day at a time. Some people want it all, I just want a good nights sleep so my body can heal and feel somewhat, I say while bringing out some food and wine.

- Too bad you cant sleep.

- Its like my heart is jumping out of its chest to give me oxygen. There is no oxygyne. Many nights I dont think Im gonna wake up again.