That Thing Called Love (Cambridge Academy Series 1)

Chapter 32: Mental Health

Chapter 32:

Mental Health

Mitchie's.

My breathing stopped when I walked passed Kylie. Nang wala na siya sa paningin ko, napahawak ako bigla sa dibdib ko dahil ramdam ko ang bilis ng tibok nito. I breathed deeply and calmed myself. 

It's fine. I'm fine — I will be fine.

Hindi ko pa rin nagawang kausapin si Kylie. Hindi ko pa rin pala kaya. Masikip pa rin ang dibdib ko kada titingnan ko siya. Nakasalubong ko pa nga lang siya ay nanikip na ang dibdib ko. I also thought that our situation will be worse if I still try to talk to her. 

Okay na rin siguro ang ganitong sitwasyon namin besides she got Ace. She doesn't need me anymore. I'm just like a burden to her. I don't comfort her as much as Ace can. They get along very well. At kaya kong tiisin 'yon basta kung saan masaya si Kylie. Ayoko na rin naman ipagpilitan pa lalo ang sarili ko. I'm fine with this. I will be fine with this. 

Saktong paglabas ko naman ng school ay dumating na ang driver ko so I immediately got into the car and let my feelings overflow while staring outside the window. I keep on wiping my tears even though it just keeps on falling down. 

I realized then that I have no friends. No friends that can ask me if I was okay. No friends to comfort me. No friends to be by my side whenever I need them. I have no friends to lean on. Si Kylie lang kasi ang meron ako, I let my whole school life be revolved around our friendship. Wala na akong ibang naging kaibigan kung hindi si Kylie. 

Now that there is a conflict between us, I find it hard to cope up with everything I am dealing with.

Unlike Kylie, she got Janelle and Ace, while I got no one. 

And I'm always trying to convince myself that it's fine with me. It's no big deal if I am alone, but this heavy thing inside my chest feels otherwise.

Ayoko namang magtanim ng sama ng loob sa kanila pero hindi ko mapigilan magtanim ng selos. They got each other's back while I'm at the corner, waiting to be noticed. Thinking about that thought pains me because it is also my reality.

The car stopped and hindi ko na hinintay na pagbuksan pa ako ni Mang Noel ng kotse dahil nauna na akong lumabas dito. I hurriedly ran towards my bedroom and buried my face in the pillow. Sa ganoong pwesto ko, inilabas ang lahat ng luha.

There are voices inside my head which keep on telling me that I am alone and I got no one. No one cares about me. Those words keep on repeating inside my head that I need to cover my ears with the pillow while crying endlessly.

"Stop! Stop! Please, stop! I don't wanna hear it!" I keep on shouting and trying to communicate with the voice inside my head, but it's just getting worse.

I cried harder when I can't make it stop.

"Mitch, mitch, mitch!" 

Somebody took away my pillow in my head and he immediately hugged me while brushing my hair. Nanginginig akong niyakap siya pabalik. 

What the fuck? Am I trying to kill myself? I thought I was just covering my ears using the pillow but it turns out that I am covering my head with a pillow and I am trying to choke myself! That's why I feel suffocated and I can't breathe, it feels like I'm drowning. 

Ako pala ang may kagagawan noon. Hinabol ko ang hininga ko and I tried to steady my breathing.

Kuya Charlie wipes the sweat on my forehead and fixed my hair. "Don't do that again, Mitch! You scared me!"