YOON.
"i'm sorry but i think i need a rest, been busy" i smiled awfully tho i know my tone's already an actress through the phone.
i had my phone between my shoulder and my head, obviously talking with my friends while wiping off tables. it's my part time job while waiting for summer to end.
"busy taking care of your dead girlfriend?"
"she's fucking alive, bastard" i just laughed and continued my work. "you gays enjoy the hangout, hopefully i could join next time"
"you always say that, yoon. does seeun even let you meet us again?" asked sumin unnie on the other line.
"you know she's not like that. i'm just busy and tired with this job, i'm gonna make it up you guys next time."
"that better be a promise"
"yeah it is, now enjoy because my head's been sideway since you called. i can't have a broken neck" i joked.
"alright alright yoonie, babye. take a rest well"
and i just cracked my neck after removing my cellphone. hurts so good oh my god.
---
it's already to eleven and by just a few more minutes, i could already go home and finally take a rest– if it is even called one.
"you could go home now" my boss suddenly spoke to the speaker, i am inside the counter with the few more employees and after we heard it, it's time our to go.
---
sometimes, i wander if i need a house because i would literally choose to just live in the street right now.
seeing her like that, laying on the floor, one bottle of beer for each hand, knocked out with the room so fucking messy. seeing her like that– what did i do wrong?
she even left the tv running, a good electricity consumer yes. a good love.
i turned off the tv first and just proceeded to lay down our bed. i didn't bother to change my attire nor wake seeun up, i just straightly went to sleep.
---
the same day happened, the same night. going back home and still seeing the same shit. nothing ever changes.
seeing her like it, again, i silently broke down while sitting beside her.
what even happened? we seemed to be so fine yesterday. seeun, what happened to you?
and i didn't mean to wake her up but "yoon? baby, what's wrong?" she asked so fucking softly after she literally just woke up.
i looked at her, i know there's still a chance. a chance for her to change what addiction she started.
"love" i shook my head, she sat up and made my head fall at her shoulder. she stayed silent while all i could do was to sob. "i'm sorry, you know i'm trying– to stop"
---
the next morning, i woke up next to seeun on the floor. we had breakfast together before i could left and go the restaurant i'm working at.
i miss her like that.
all i thought she would stay the same until the night but then i saw her again, laying on the floor, a bottle and a pack of drug.
i'm too tired working there and i should be even greeted with a hug after coming home but i could just cry and think nothing would ever happen if we keep doing the same thing.
i love her for god's sake.
"SHIM JA YOON WHAT THE FUCK!" she screamed and stood up. she's bleeding.
"i'm sorry!" i whined, i didn't mean to crack a bottle in her head and hurt her like this. "i just can't see you like that anymore"
i should have just shut my mouth, it felt numb but i know it hurts. i wanna slap her for punching me and grabbing me by the collar while pushing me again the door but i'm never gonna hurt her again, in fact i never did. it happened just earlier with the bottle.
"why?" she gently asked now.
we stared at each for awhile before i could answer.
"please just go to rehab, please seeun. i'm begging you to go there, for us" i caressed her face. she's still look beautiful after all.
"i'm trying," her voice broke down, "to change"
"stop trying, i know you can do it"
---
and still, it happened again.
---
SEEUN.
i feel the most sorry for her, i feel sorry for myself for turning out like this but i think i would be more sorry to her.
i gladly wanna change, for her. and i'm taking it slowly but was too shy to show her.
i know how tired she is, she could just leave me but what the hell. she fucking stayed. it's my fault for the way how we turned out and it's only me who can fix it.
my drugs are all kept now, i was planning to give it to the station and i already throw away the bottles. and oh, i cleaned and did my best to make it feel like a comfort place. it is what she deserve.
i also went out, buy a rose and foods to cook for when she went home, we will have a small date. it's been so long.
the late dinner is all ready now, i'm just waiting for her to go home now, i'm excited but also nervous.
we'll start again.
---
hearing the doorknob twist, i made my way infront of the door while all my emotions just mixed up. i am scared, excited and i dont know. "seeun?"
"welcome... home"
"hands up!" the polices said, and i did obey. even dropping the rose from my hands. my eyes kept lock into hers. i saw it, how it feels heavy. but i couldn't do anything since they already handcuffed me.
i gave them the drugs i kept and i guess i deserve this. "i'm sorry" yoon finally gave me a word when the polices are about to take me out.
i shook my head at her, how i just wish to touch her face and tell her not to cry because she'll look ugly "this is what i need, thank you, love" i smiled.
she suddenly then ran and hugged me, "i know you'll come back to me"
