gahyeon
just like each morning i have been waking up to everyday, this is no difference from any other. it feels so heavy and filled with anxiety.
i got everything in my apartment; tv, cabinet, my collection of toys, comfortable bed and soft pillows but is it really everything?
with all my eyes and attention to the tv, i whinced as i accidentally burn my tongue over my newly poured coffee. "wow yey, good morning, gahyeon" i greeted myself.
"all residents of korea will be having a lockdown, all establishments will be closed and please stay at home. our home is becoming infected with a virus that eats the human brain. this is not a drill, i repeat this is not a drill. everyone stay at home and lock your doors"
a police reported on the national tv. he did not give any more specific reason but that's enough for me to put my coffee on the table, grab my keys, our photo, the ring and left my unit just within a minute.
"where are you going?" some random lady tried to stop me. i didn't throw a fuck and continued going down the first floor using the elevator.
i'm becoming more anxious every seconds that is passing, i have no idea what will come for me once i'm outside but i'm sure without a doubt i want to be with her.
i want to be with dami.
rushing to my car just before i got off the elevator, they were stopping me but i couldn't care less.
i immediately started the car and made my way to her workplace, she just gotta be there. i know they might be closing it down but she always goes there early.
as i was just driving, i panned my attention to my surroundings and shit i'll be breaking the driving law.
people are becoming out of themselves or should i say they're basically zombie?
please say you love me, dami. please give me the ring again and i'll wear it this time.
---
a week ago
"what?" dami went speechless, her biggest smile i have ever seen just blinked out of a second. her one knee on the ground trembles as much as i know she wants to hide that from me. the box left opened still with the ring on it just stayed on her palm.
i don't know how to approach this.
i shook my head, signalling her it's a "no"
"no no, gahyeon" she tried to smile but the shaking of her voice will you otherwise. "your family and friends knew about this, i asked them and love, i'm asking you now"
she stood up, still trembling. she held my hands as she said those but i'm decided i couldn't say yes.
"don't do this. you know i can't commit myself to something like that now"
"i'll wait, gahyeon. i'll give you your time and if it ever cross your mind that– that you want the life we could have, just wear the ring because i'm always here"
---
"fucking wait for me, dami. wait for me to get there and we could have that" i felt the corner of my eyes building up tears, it feels so hot and it hurts. my guilt and selfishness is eating me inside out.
i took my time and it cost me everything.
parking up just in front of the building, my fear is unknown to me as what i'm feeling is a rush of adrenaline.
i ran upstairs and ran and ran. i want to get to her as fast as i can. i didn't even look if these zombies are looking at me.
"holy shit" i cursed, watching bunch of them banging the glass door which has dami in it and her co-workers.
there she saw me.
she shook her head slowly, from side to side. i didn't know but if i read that right, she was trying to tell me "go home"
"YES! I WANT THAT LIFE!" i shouted which caused the zombie's attention towards me. these ex-people be running faster than most athletes. thank me, i'm a good runner.
as i was running, i looked at her for the last time with my tears already flowing. from what i managed to see, she wants to get out but her co-workers are stopping her and thank god they do that.
i tried as much as i can to catch all the zombie's attention and lead them outside.
and i succeeded.
only if i can have that life right now, i want it to be with dami.
