as an introvert, i'm glad it's currently 11pm and i'm alone, just eating my ramen inside this store. i work at night so i might just want to have a little break because it's so tiring and the hospital i'm working at isn't so busy.
i groaned and arches my back. the way my bone cracks.
anyways this is just me and my thoughts, you know when the night hits you hard and your mind travels from wherever it wants to be. yeah and now i'm currently inside a hospital room, sweating cold and shaky because it's my first day as a nurse.
and by a sudden ring of a bell, i was brought back to the store. i just proceeded to eat.
not long enough when the costumer who brought me back to reality came to have a face to face with me, i was brought back to another scenery of my life.
the scene where i'm all young, reckless and inlove with her.
"zuha" yunjin calmly called. i don't know but it's feels like she didn't recognize me at first glance.
"hi" i smiled, offered her my ramen though she just bought her own food. she just shook her head and signaled me if she could take a seat and yeah, i nodded.
"who're you with?" she opened the conversation.
"just you" i answered, making us both laugh. "what about you? it's late at night and you're here"
"my fiance works late at night and she couldn't come home so i'll just give her her dinner or breakfast" she giggled at the last part. so she have a fiance now.
"a doctor i suppose?"
"yeah correct, nurse zuha. you've got a nice uniform there huh" and with that, the conversation goes on and on. it's been so long since we've got to talk and catch up like this. how the days are gone so quick and be as fast as a blink of an eye. i have lots of stories to tell and i know she also have those.
---
graduation.
me and the girls just finished taking photos with our diplomas, medals and just feeling the success we made after all the struggles in the past years. we've been running in an endless tunnel and this is the exit that comes with another beginning.
"guys wait a sec" i was just about to leave when they all judged me all at once and then laughed. "the hell, yeah i know" i rolled my eyes and made my way to her.
she was taking photos with her family so i had to wait.
i'm so proud of her. seeing her smile like that with the success she made after all the times i've seen her up and downs and how she's waiting for this exact moment to happen.
"jinjin!" i tried to shout, so glad she immediately recognized me so she came. "congrats, nurse huh!" i greeted.
"you're too fast forward" she smiled but she eventually hugged me. i held her tight and made it obvious i don't wanna let go. "congrats, nurse zuha"
"i love you" i whispered. i know we've ended what we have but do you just expect a person to lose their feelings after such things? of course not. i won't have to know how she feels, i just want her to know i love her. she don't have to say it back.
"i love you too, zuha" with her arms still hanging on my shoulder, she faced me while saying those.
"we should take pictures"
---
if there's someone i would like to stay with me until the very end of our lives, i knew it'd always be her. her name would always be my first answer.
yunjin.
we've been on each other's side since highschool and now is our last year in college with the same course.
at first, i don't even like the idea of taking medicine but what else would i take? my life have no direction unlike yunjin who's so sure with this course. i want to give her my full support and make her feel i'm on her side so taking the same course is the very best option.
now we're just so close to graduating. how i wish that didn't have another meaning.
"love, you should eat more" i looked at yunjin worriedly, she's not very good with her appetite these days and i'm starting to get worried. she even looks so tired.
"i'm fine"
"love" she looks at me. "what's wrong?" i immediately asked when i noticed her eyes, it looks like it's about to tear up and it hurts just to see her like that. i badly want to hold her but i couldn't make to move myself towards yunjin.
"you think we should continue?" eh. that came out of the blue yet i quickly understood but i've got no answer.
because it made me think too.
"why shouldn't we?"
"i don't know"
"why are you even asking that? that's stupid"
i know myself i do love her but then i realized the way i looked at her 3 or 4 days ago, it feels like i don't know who am i talking to so where am i suppose to place my love when i can't find the location?
i love to see her growing but i didn't expect us to grow apart. i know we're there during bad times but it feels like we're not so close. i couldn't feel her heartbeat against mine.
i guess that's when i knew it's not the same anymore. the strings we tied together loosened.
--
"so i guess... see you next time?"
"yeah. i better recieve an invitation to the wedding huh?" we laughed and so on, we bid our goodbyes.
we saw different sides of ourselves that may not have the possibilities of existing anymore and we loved that, purely. we may not be the love we expect to last or the persons we used to think will stay by our side 'til we have nothing but our white hairs or until we're ghost, all that is there for us to keep is what we had.
and how that love proves just because it is something so beautiful, we cannot let go of it.
