Ephemeral (On Going)

Chapter 41 !TriggerWarning!

Dear, Reagan

I have been feeling so much pain lately. Hindi ko rin alam ano ang nangyayari. This has been going on since my modeling days sa New York. Kinakaya ko pa naman yo'n tiisin. But now, I don't think I can anymore. I'm afraid atakihin nanaman ako at this time baka hindi ko kayanin. If you ever find this letter, I am probably in less pain already. I am sorry for not being able to keep my promise to stay by your side. You could've been a great father as well. Yes, Reagan. You were about to be a dad. I was 4 weeks pregnant when I found out. Sayang if buhay lang kami pareho we would've been a perfect family. I'm sorry for not telling you. Balak ko naman sabihin but I thought it would be better if you had no idea. I love you so much. Just remember that we are by your side as you're reading this.

Love, Molly.

I rested my head on the wall as I folded the letter. I lost my family. We could have been the best partners anyone could ever imagine. We would be living at our house, our bedrooms full of toys scattered around, and countless dishes in the sink. My child and I could have become the bestest friends ever. My cameras would have been full of photos and videos at every family picnic. Ang dami kong could-haves at would-haves. My heart has always been shattered but it has never been this bad. I can't help but question the creator. Why did I have to go through all of this? Bakit kailangan kong magdusa nang ganito?

Wasn't this supposed to be like any fairytale stories?

"I know how much pain you feel right now. But I hope this won't be a reason for you to give up," Greg said as he sat beside me.

"I don't think I can, Greg. It's just too much. I could've been a father, Greg! I could have had my own family!"

"I will always be here for you no matter what. Please rest. You need energy for Molly's funeral tomorrow."

"Do you even understand what I am going through right now? You think it's easy to just forget about all this and move on? Greg, I fucking lost my family. I lost Molly. I lost a child. It was such a short time. It feels like I'm being played. I give up, Greg."

I stormed out. No one knows how painful it is. No one but me. 

My phone rang. It's Molly's mom. I was thinking whether to answer it or not. I guess I just have to.

"Greg, I would like to ask you if you could paint Molly's nails. The funeral home just called. She's ready but they asked if we wanted to see her first before they close the casket."

Hearing those words felt like I was being stabbed over and over again. "O-okay po tita. I'm on my way"

"Please ask someone else to drive for you. Please, hijo."

Greg's the only person here. I don't know how to ask him to go with me. I know I can drive just fine but I know that Molly would want me to follow her mom. I just went back where Greg and I was to get my keys.

"Where are you going?" Greg asked.

"Funeral home," I answered looking down.

"Let me drive."