Even If It Hurts (Completed)

Chapter 37

I was expecting that Ayla would throw me several questions. I was already bracing myself on how was I going to answer her. Heck! I was even formulating her questions on my mind, but nothing came.

Nanatiling tikom ang bibig niya habang chini-check-up ko si baby JK Piemonte. Kami lang ni Jane Piemonte ang nag-uusap. Marami siyang tanong tungkol sa pwede at hindi pwede sa anak niya. She also asked kung ano ang gagawin niya kung sakaling lagnatin ulit ang baby niya after the vaccine.

I patiently answered her. I did my job normally kahit na medyo awkward sa parte ko dahil sobrang riin ng titig sa akin ni Ayla.

I wanted to talk to her after the checkup, probably to catch up with her a little dahil kahit papaano, we were still once a family, kaso nakatanggap ako ng emergency call galing sa hospital. My attention and presence were urgently needed kaya naman hindi na ako nag-aksaya ng oras at agad na nagtungo na sa hospital. My mind was occupied the whole time that I didn't have any spare minute to think about the presence of my ex-sister-in-law.

Pagod na pagod ako pag-uwi galing sa hospital. It was already passed 8PM when I arrived home. Nakapag-half bath na ang anak ko nang maabutan ko siya sa sala habang nanonood ng isang animated film. Katabi niya roon si ate Irma. Tinatanong niya ito ng kung anu-ano tungkol sa pinapanood niya.

Hindi pa nila napansin ang pagdating ko kaya nanatili na muna akong nakatayo sa may pintuan, watching them having their conversation.

"Nanay Irma, is Geppetto a good father?" he asked. He was referring to Pinocchio's father. Iyon kasi ang pinapanood nila.

He was sitting properly in the middle part of the long couch while ate Irma was sitting beside him, her arm was draped around my son's shoulders.

"Of course, naman, Mikael. You see, Geppetto loves Pinocchio very much."

"Even though he lies, nanay?"

"Yes, Mikael. Parents, like your mommy, love their children very much kahit na they are lying sometimes. But syempre lying is very bad. Why ask?"

"I know mommy loves me. I can always feel that nanay," my son said with surety. Hindi ko napigilang mapangiti ng malawak. Mikael will just be turning three in more than a month, but he already thinks older than his age. And I couldn't be prouder to have a son like him.

But my smile was wiped away when I heard my son's next statement.

"Nanay Irma, do you think my daddy will also love me? Even if I will lie like Pinocchio?"

Napahawak ako sa hamba ng pintuan dahil pakiramdam ko ay mas lalo lang akong nanghina sa narinig ko mula sa anak ko. Ito ang kauna-unahang beses na nagsabi siya ng kung ano patungkol sa daddy niya.

God! First, I met Ayla in the clinic. Now, I am hearing my son mentioning the word 'daddy'. Parang masyado naman atang maraming ganap ang araw na 'to. At ngayong nakita na ako ni Ayla, anong susunod? Sasabihin niya kaya ang tungkol doon sa kuya niya? Pupuntahan kaya ako ni Kael? Pero bakit pa? We no longer have anything to do with each other.

Hindi naman niya alam ang tungkol kay Mikael. Pero kung sakaling makikipagkita nga siya sa akin, hindi pa ako handa para roon. At hindi pa ako handang ipakilala si Mikael sa kanya. Hindi pa sa ngayon. I still need more time.

"Syempre naman, Mikael. Your daddy loves you," simpleng sagot ni ate Irma pero mas nakadagdag lang iyon sa agony ko.

What if hindi niya magawang mahalin ang anak ko kapag pinakilala ko na si Mikael sa kanya? Malulungkot ang anak ko. Ayokong maramdaman niya iyon.

"How sure are you po, nanay Irma? My daddy never met me yet."

I wanted to cry. My son's words were making me cry.