Choose Us

After

Now

"I don't get why we're fighting right now James. You get so annoyed with me sometimes for no reason and it makes me think you aren't actually in love with me." Lily mumbles sadly as she crosses her arms.

James doesn't respond. He turns his head to look out into the hallway of the train.

Regulus happened to walk by right as he looked out, and when the two of them made eye contact, they both smiled. It wasn't a happy smile though. It was more of a sad, 'I miss you' smile. It was like time stopped for that second that regulus walks by and James heart beat picks up.

Does he feel the same way still? Does his heart speed up when all they did was make eye contact and smile?

Lily notices how effected james is by Regulus just walking by. It's the way he used to be when he saw her. Something changed sometime before they got together, and Lily thought maybe he found someone new. She never knew who it was. Then last year he finally came and asked her out again, and she said yes. She thought it was finally her turn. She waited a year, and it was great in the beginning... but now?

She didn't understand why at first, but it all makes sense now. Of course there's someone else.

"Do you love him?" Lily asks James. She tries to keep her voice strong and steady but it comes out as nervous and sad.

It takes James a moment to recover from seeing Reg, and when it registers what Lily asked him, he panics.

"What?" He tries, but it isn't fooling Lily. She witnessed their little moment, and although it wasn't much, Lily knew James. She knows that body language. It's like his entire world stopped while Regulus was in his sight. That doesn't happen for just anyone. That means he's in love.

"Don't do that to me, James! I know you, and I know that you were very effected by him just walking by. So tell me, do you love him?"

Last year, before Lily and James started dating, Marlene guessed James was seeing someone else. He sort of backed off Lily all together and was pretty happy too. He would sneak off all of the time and be late to meals and classes. None of the guys seemed to know what was going on either. Lily had to admit it, James did look happy last year. So happy.

"Who are you even talking about, Lily? Merlin, you're being ridiculous." James mutters and turns back to the door for a moment, ignoring Lily.

Lily sighs. James potter, the master of ignorance. He learned that from Sirius.

"James, you know who I'm talking about. Can you just answer my question?"

But James couldn't answer her question. How could he? How does he explain everything that he feels for regulus. Especially to Lily. She's his girlfriend. She's supposed to make him feel the things he does for Reg. He's supposed to be in love with her, but instead he can't help but long for more than just a glance and a smile from Reg. He needs him. It's like it's impossible to live without him. Like the air in his lungs are giving out when he's not around. His heart physically hurts too. He's moody, and miserable and no one wants to be around him anymore because he brings the mood down. James really tries though. For a while, he put all of his time and energy into Lily and their relationship was good. Fun even. They were somewhat happy.

Then they returned to school, and James saw regulus the first time in months and all of that fun and happiness was over. All he could think of was Regulus.

Even now.

"Stop, Lily." James mutters sadly. He doesn't want to relive it. He refuses to speak to her about this.

Why would he talk to her about it when he hasn't even told his best friend?

"You owe me the truth, James. I've been here this entire time and you've been so miserable. If it's because you love him, we can deal with that but please don't shut me out." Lily begs him.