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I Like The Stars

Then

James

This past week has been unbelievably busy and I haven't had any time to sneak up to the astronomy tower, no matter how badly I want to. I check the map every night and he's always there. It bugs me because he's always alone. I should be there. He should not be alone.

Tonight is the only night in six days that I've had free time and I plan on sneaking off to go and meet him. Not that he particularly wants me there. I just want to be there. Of course, my friends won't let me just slip off without playing 20 questions... and I don't really know how to tell them that I just always want to be around Regulus, and I don't know why.

"I can't believe McGonagall gave us that much homework-" Sirius complains as he leans back on his bed and lets out a gasp of relief.

"Maybe she wouldn't if you didn't interrupt her every five seconds," Remus says to him as he sits on his own bed.

"I couldn't deprive her of my commentary. It's her favourite part of her day," Sirius says confidently.

"No offence to you lads but I think I'm going for a walk because I've been cooped up with you lot all week and I need air." I say, hiding the map in my back pocket so they can't use it to see where I'm headed.

"Going to see Evans?" Peter asks me, trying to act like it's no big deal. I told them that I talk to her sometimes, which isn't a lie. It's just not what's happening tonight.

"Mind your business, Wormy." I say to him playfully. Sirius and Peter are easy to get past but Remus overthinks everything, so he usually figures everything out first. No one has ever gotten anything past him. Not for very long, anyway. I'm trying not to let that fact freak me out.

"Leave him alone, Wormtail. He's in looooove." Sirius says teasingly and I immediately tense up.

"Nah, mate. It's not like that." I say to him but he just gives me a knowing look.

"I know you James, you don't get sick of us. You just realllllly want to be around this 'mystery person' so bad that you're annoyed we're still here."

"I'm leaving now," I say to him. I'm just going to ignore what he says because he's wrong. I'm not in love with Regulus. I just enjoy teasing him. He hates when I come to the astronomy tower and it's fun for me.

"See, I told you. He's even taking the map so we won't see that he's with Evans." I hear Sirius say to the guys when I'm nearly out the door.

I walk all the way to the astronomy tower without turning back or stopping. I do not need to second guess myself. It's fine. Nothing I haven't done a few times. Last time, Regulus told me to come to the tower. Maybe he wants me to come again.

I walk up all of the stairs and only pause when I see the door is open a crack. I know he's in there. I don't know why I'm so surprised the door is open. It just seems like an invitation. If he didn't want me to come in, wouldn't he close the door?

I peek in the doorway and see him sitting by the ledge, looking up at the sky. Regulus Black looks so peaceful when he's doing nothing but looking up at the sky.

Why does he always look up at the sky? Is he interested in astrology? That wouldn't surprise me all that much. Sirius used to tell me random facts about astrology every day at breakfast. I don't know why he stopped but for a while there I was convinces he was an astrology text book.

After a few moments of watching him do his thing, I push open the door and step inside. He doesn't even look my way this time because he already knows it's me.

"Why do you always come up here?" I ask him. I know I've asked him before and he gave me some bullshit excuse like he can't sleep. We both know that's not the only reason. I want to know the other reason.

"I told you already, I can't sleep." Regulus says without turning to me. He knows that's not what I mean.

"You could go anywhere else if you can't sleep. Why do you come here?" I ask him. He turns to me and studies me for a second, like he's deciding if he should tell me something or not.

"I like the stars," he says quietly and turns back to the sky.

"That's cool," I reply. "What else do you like?"

Regulus shakes his head, a hint of a smile on his lips. "We're not doing this, Potter."

"Then what are we doing?" I ask him and he looks up at the sky and fights a smile.

"Quit it, Potter."

"It's just an innocent question, Reggie. What other things do you like?" I try again.

"Maybe it's just an innocent question for other people, but it's not a question you should be asking me."

Oh.

That sentence was a lot.

"What makes you say that?" I ask him.

"We're on different sides, James. You represent everything good and I'm the opposite. Slytherin and Gryffindor. The perfect best friend and the disappointing brother."

Different sides? Good and bad? Slytherin and Gryffindor?

What is he talking about?

"Regulus, he doesn't think of you like that. You're not a disappointment."

Regulus huffs and runs his hands through his hair in exhaustion. "If you came here to fix my relationship with Sirius, you should just leave now because it won't happen."

I frown. "I'm not here for Sirius."

"Then why are you here?" he asks me. I can tell he's getting frustrated but I don't understand what's happening. I just asked one question.

"I like being around you." I admit. "Maybe you can't wrap your head around that because, as you pointed out, we're complete opposites. I can't explain it. I just like being around you and it's confusing me just as much as it's confusing you."

"He would hate you," Regulus says. I think he's trying to give me reasons to walk away right now. Why can't he just let me in? I just want to know more about him. Maybe we don't even have to talk. We can sit in silence. I just like his company.

"Maybe at first, but he'd get over it."

"No, he wouldn't. Maybe if it was anything else but not this. Even being here right now, he'd be so mad." Regulus says. "I'm not worth ruining that friendship over, James. Just go away."

"Shouldn't I get to decide who is worth spending my time with?" I ask him.

"Not when you're making stupid decisions like this," he says without even hesitating.

"I would hardly call you a stupid decision, Regulus."

"You are irritating," he says calmly and turns back to the outside.

"So are you."

"Then leave me alone! I never asked for this."

"For what?"

"For you to be here."

"You actually kind of did ask for me to be here the last time we spoke, Regulus."

"Why do you even care? Merlin, just leave me alone."

"I wish I could explain it but like I said before, I don't know. It's confusing for me too."

"Oh, i'm not confused. You're just driving me insane. I come up here to be alone."

"Maybe you did, but I don't think you mind my company and that scares you because you're so used to being alone."

"Wow, rude." Regulus says. "I have friends, Potter."

"I didn't say you don't." I say to him. "You can have friends and still be alone, Regulus."