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Confusion

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Regulus 

The only place I could think of to go is back to my dorm room. Barty would be there but maybe that's good. I should talk to him. He'll know what to do. 

Of course James took my only spot. 

I was there first. 

It's my spot. 

He kissed me. 

And I ran away. 

Why did I run away? 

I should not have run away like that.

On the way to the common room, I tried to straighten myself out. I probably look like a mess. James ran his hands through my hair. 

My hair. 

Merlin. 

I can't be thinking of that right now. 

Snape and who knows who else will be in there and I can't look like I've been snogging James Potter. 

Or anyone else. 

They would never leave me alone. 

I walk in the common room and avoid everyone's eyes. I can't look at any of them. I go straight up to my room and ignore everyone who calls my name. 

Evan. 

Snape. 

I don't want to talk to them.

I need Barty. 

I would go to Pandora but the Ravenclaws would ask too many questions and I don't need that. Barty is my only other real friend. 

Evan is great but he will never understand me. He's too sarcastic and only wants to joke around. 

Barty at least tries. 

"You look like shit," Barty mumbles as I walk in the room. "What's got you all worked up?" 

I panic and shut the door, throwing up a silencing charm and lock the door. No need to risk Evan walking inside. 

"You aren't going to try and shag me, right? No offence Reg, but you aren't my type." Barty says to me sarcastically. 

"No, you git." I say to him and roll my eyes. I move towards my bed and run my hair through my hair. "I do have to tell you something though, and you have to promise me to keep this a secret." 

He sits up straight on his bed and puts his book down and stares at me. 

"Alright, fine. Spit it out, Reg. You're starting to freak me out." 

I didn't think this through because now I actually have to tell him what happened. How do I even go about explaining what happened? 

"Reg, spit it out." 

"Okay! Merlin, calm down." I say to him, "James kissed me." 

His face changes immediately to something other than amusement or confusion. It was more like... he wasn't surprised at all. Why wouldn't he be surprised? I'm bloody surprised and I was there. 

"Barty?" 

"Right- okay tell me what happened. Start from the beginning, Reg."

"I don't know- okay.. you know how I go up to the astronomy tower at night? Well, he started coming up there and trying to talk to me. No matter how much I told him to fuck off, he wouldn't listen. At first I thought maybe it was a joke between him and my brother, but Sirius has no idea. He's been trying to get to know me and be my friend. I overheard him tell Sirius he likes someone, he likes me, but he isn't sure I like him back. Then he bloody kissed me and I was so surprised... I kissed him back and now I don't know what to do. Why did I do that?" 

Barty just sits there and stares at me as I rant. He doesn't seem surprised, and he doesn't seem mad. I thought maybe he'd be so mad because this is James we're talking about. Why wouldn't he hate the idea of me kissing James. 

He doesn't say anything yet so I continue. 

"I told him to leave me alone. I told him to stop trying to get to know me. I can't- he wouldn't listen. Merlin, he's so stubborn-" 

"Regulus, calm down. You're going to work yourself into a fit." Barty tells me as he gets off of his bed and moves over to me. 

He kneels in front of me and makes me look at him.

"Don't start panicking, okay? We can deal with this.. we don't have to panic." he says to me. He's being more gentle than I thought he would be. 

"Fuck," I mumble and lay my head down on my lap. "What did I do?"

"So what? You snogged Potter, who cares?" 

"Barty, I-" 

"Oh," he says, a little surprised now. "You like him? Oh Merlin, Reg. Please tell me you don't actually like him." 

I don't look up at him.

"Regulus, please tell me you aren't that stupid." He says to me. "Your mother would kill you." 

I don't respond, but I flinch when he mentions my mother. 

"Holy shit, you really do like him."

"No-"

"What are you thinking?" 

"I'm not, that's the problem. I'm confused. He's confusing me."  

Barty rests his head on my knee and sighs. It wasn't an annoyed sigh, it was more of a stressed one. 

"Just don't let anyone else find out about this, Reg. And keep me informed. I need to know what's going on so I can help protect you." 

I finally look at him and his eyes are kind. They're understanding. Not what I was expecting. 

"You want to protect me? This is really stupid of me and you still want to protect me." 

"Obviously, you dumbass." Barty says, "James Potter? I thought you hated him." 

"I did," I mumble. "I do." 

"Then what changed? You don't go around snogging everyone you hate." 

"If I knew, I'd tell you." I tell him. "He just tries to talk to me. He wants to know me. To know who I really am." 

Barty nods in understanding. 

"Just be careful, okay? If your brother finds out, or your parents or even the other Slytherins... it'll be bad." 

"I don't plan on getting caught." 

"I saw you two one time." Barty tells me. "You two were talking and you seemed to be relaxed. I was going to tell him to leave you alone but you seemed like you were okay. I've never seen you so relaxed. So comfortable with someone." 

"I didn't know you saw that." I say. 

That explains why he wasn't surprised at all. 

"Yeah, I wasn't going to tell you either. I didn't want to upset you or make you feel weird." 

"Who knew you had a soft side." I tease him and he smirks.

"Who knew you were into James Potter?"

I smack his arm playfully and we drop the silencing charm. We hear banging on the door and Evan screaming 'let me in, you gits' 

Barty turns to me and we both burst into laughter. 

When we unlock the door, Evan falls in and glares at us both. 

"Were you two shagging in here?" He asks us, "Better not have done it on my bed. I swear I'll kill you both."