Choose Us

Secret Moment

Then

James

Replaying the words over and over again, frozen still in the hallway as he rushes away from me.

I think I like being around you too. 

He likes being around me. 

That feels like a mini victory. 

His face. The tears. The fear in his eyes and the vulnerability he showed me. I don't know what to do with all of it 

I can't do that to Sirius. 

I don't get that part. I mean, I know they don't get along and I know why. Believe me, I know all of that. I just don't get what he means. 

He's not doing anything to Sirius by talking to me. He's not doing anything to anyone. It sounds like he thinks he'll betray Sirius, or his friends even, by talking to me or because he likes being around me. I don't- I don't understand. 

By the time I take in all of his words, he's long gone. 

I sigh and take another moment to get myself together before returning to my friends in the great hall. 

"Oi Prongs, what took you so long. We thought you got lost." Pete says when I get back.

"Not lost," I tell him. Lily isn't sitting with them anymore and the girls look like they're upset. "What did I miss?" 

"Not much." Sirius tells me. "Lily flipped out on Marlene and walked off. Other than that, nothing happened." 

Lily flipped out? She's usually the more level headed out of all of us. She barely ever reacts to any of our bullshit. Ever. 

"That's odd," I mumble. "You okay Marls?"

"Yeah, I'm fine." Marlene says to me and I nod my head. She's not going to tell me if anything is wrong but I thought I'd ask. "Thanks though," she adds. 

Later that night, I check the map and see that Regulus is up in the astronomy tower. Good. I put the map in my pocket again and put the cloak on. 

I'm not going to sit around and be confused anymore. I'm going to go and talk to him. He's going to talk to me. 

I take off the cloak outside the door and then walk into the room. Regulus doesn't even react. He knew I was coming here. 

"What does Sirius have to do with any of this?" I ask him bluntly. 

"Merlin, James. Just leave, okay? I can't do this. We can't do this. You shouldn't have come here." Regulus says to me. He sounds a little panicked. 

"Too bad, I did come here and I'm not leaving until we talk about this." I say to him. 

"I can't." 

"Regulus, just tell me." 

"James, please.. I really can't." 

Please. 

James, please. 

My name. 

But I have to know what he meant. 

"Just tell me." 

"No." 

"You are driving me mad." I tell him as I run my hands through my hair. Stubborn git. 

"So leave," Regulus says calmly. "I really don't know what else to say to you."

"I can't leave, Regulus. I can't stop thinking about you."