Choose Us

Falling Apart

Then

James

It's been days since I found the two of them on the Quidditch field together. Ever since that night, Regulus has been off. Quiet and distant.

At first I just assumed he was miserable because him and Sirius went straight back to ignoring each other, but I don't think so anymore. He seems fine about that. Well.. as fine as he normally is. This feels different.

We're in the astronomy tower right now and he's on the other side of the room, staring outside at the school grounds. He looks so peaceful when he's relaxed. I wish I could take a picture and shove it in everyone's face. 

Look how gorgeous my boyfriend is. 

That's what I'd tell everyone. 

"Reg, can you come here?" I break the silence and ask him to come over to me. 

He looks over to me and shakes his head. "No, I can't."

"Please?"

Regulus turns around and nods his head. "Are you okay?" he asks as he takes a small step closer to me.

"No, I'm confused." 

Another couple of small steps.

"About what?"

Another couple of small steps. 

"Us," I admit and his face- oh his face does this really sad thing that makes me want to take it back. 

"Us?" Regulus asks sadly. "What about us?"

"You- well you sort of pulled away and shut me out for a few days now and I thought maybe- maybe you are done with me."

Regulus shuts his eyes and takes a deep breathe. He looks so sad. 

"James, I don't think I could ever be done with you. Even if it's what's best for you." Regulus sighs and takes another deep breathe. "I'm not shutting you out. I just have a lot going on at the moment and I don't know how to handle it all." 

"You could tell me about it," I say to him but he shakes his head. 

"As much as I want to, James. I can't do that." Regulus says sadly. "I hope you understand... it's not because I don't want to. It's because I can't."

"I get it, love. Please don't shut me out though. Can we cuddle?" 

Regulus smiles sadly and nods his head. He moves carefully towards me and lays down on my chest. He grabs my hand and squeezes it like his life depends on it. 

"Je t'aime." Regulus mumbles under his breathe. 

"French? You speak french?" I ask him excitedly. I hear him laugh softly and mumble 'yes'

"What did you say?" I ask him. 

"It's a secret," Regulus tells me and he looks up at me with a cheeky grin on his face. 

"Oh come on, tell me!" I beg him but he just shakes his head and kisses my hand.

"I promise I'll tell you what it means some day," Regulus tells me. "I promise." 

"Okay, fine." I give in. He's too stubborn. "Can you say it again? It's beautiful."

"Je t'aime." Regulus says with a laugh. "Je t'aime. Je t'aime. Je t'aime."

"I could never get tired of you speaking french," I say. 

"It was something we were forced to learn. We used to live in France for a few years when we were younger. We had to learn it to live there."