Dempeo: The right kind of wrong

Please don't say you love me

After Patrick hung up the phone with Jillian he really felt as though she had believed him. She had been upset at first but then she calmed down and it felt like it always did between them. Good but not great. It was really horrible what he did to his wife but he was so in love with Ellie that it somehow outweighed the guilt he felt. He knew he had to return the ring to Ellen this week but a part of him didn't want to give it back, it felt good knowing that she wasn't wearing her ring. Which was silly really considering he had a wedding ring on, and the fact that it was just a ring. But what was even harder to think about was that after he returned it he wouldn't be seeing Ellen for months, their schedules would just not let it happen and thinking about that made him feel a bit sick. Although after all this time he should be accustomed to the feeling of not seeing her, he knew that last night was just a night to reminisce on for the next couple of months. Sometimes Patrick wondered what would happen if he divorced Jill and tried to make it work with Ellen but he was so afraid that he would end up breaking his family just for Ellen to stay with hers. He remembered the time he first told Ellie that his feelings for her were real love and he really thought that they would end up together after that, but just as everything else it didn't work out. So he had come to terms with just being Ellies best friend that got her for stolen moments every now and then.

*flashback to early 2009*
Ever since their drunken night together Patrick hadn't stopped thinking about Ellen. She had really played it off like it never happen and he understood why she did. It was extremely wrong what they had done and it was so much easier to blame the alcohol then to face up to what the fact that they cheated for real this time. But for Patrick the night was so much more than a mistake, even if he had been ever so drunk he had remembered every single detail of their night. Her beautiful body in his arms, the way she smelled, the way she felt as he had entered her and the way her moans sounded. It stuck with him everyday since. It had now come to a point where it pained him not to get to touch her like that again.
They had hung out a bunch of times following that night and they never so much as kissed, he wanted to respect her and didn't know if she even reflected on what had happened that night or if she really felt it was a mistake. But for the last few weeks it had dawned on him that he loved her. He of course had always loved her and that was a general knowledge, amongst their spoeses, co-workers and friends. Although now he was thinking that maybe he loved her in another way, because whenever he saw her his heart skipped a beat. Patrick had wanted to tell her how he felt for days now but was afraid that she didn't look at him in that way and that they would lose their beautiful friendship. And he knew that telling her would complicate a lot of things, no matter what they were both married and he had three kids.

Ellen was sitting in hair and makeup getting ready for the next scene. She was going out with Patrick tonight to drink, Ellen had suggested a bar because she was afraid of what would happen if they drank in the trailers again. Even if that night had been amazing she was just trying to forget it because she did not want to be that woman. The woman who breaks up a family. She knew Patrick loved his family and by pretending the night never happened they could still be friends. Nonetheless there had been a look in Pattys eyes the last few days that made her wonder if there was something going on. She caught him looking at her at all times and he had been extra sweet towards her, there had been less dirty jokes and more genuine complimants. It was not like him to act this way. Ellen did feel as if she should ask him about it tonight, she needed to know if she had done something wrong.

Patrick had decided tonight was the night to tell her, he needed to, no matter the outcome. He had watched her on set earlier and had been mesmerized by her every move. He couldn't keep watching her like a creep without at least letting her know why. She wanted to go out drinking but he thought it was better to tell her this in private and not somewhere the paparazzi could sneak a picture of them. They were meeting up in ten mintues so he thought now was the perfect time to go to her trailer as she outta be in there.
"El, you in here?" Patrick opened the unlocked trailer door and called out for her. He saw her standing with her back away from him next to the bathroom and she jumped a little when she heard him call for her. "Woah Patty you scared me. What are you doing here? I thought we were meeting at the gate?" Ellen said as she turned around and walked a little bit closer to Patrick. "Well actually, I wanted to talk to you in private tonight so i was wondering if we could stay here for a while?" He said trying to sound as gentle as he possibly could. Ellen gave him a long look before answering "Are you sure that's a good idea?" With a bit of worry in her eyes. As Patrick watched her he realised that she had been thinking of that night too, otherwise she wouldn't be worried of the possibility of it happening again, this made him feel a bit better about his own thoughts. "I just want to talk Ellie, no games." Patrick told her with a little wink at the last part. Ellen took the wink with a smile and just said "Fine, well I guess I don't have to dress up then. I'll get the liquor." And with that he knew he was closer to telling her how he felt, he just did not know how he should start. "You never need to dress up, you always look perfect." He told her and at that Ellie turned around to give him a look. It was a look that screamed, don't cross any lines now. "Well thanks Patty, so what did you want to talk about?" She said as she poured them a glas of wine each and sat down on the couch. Patrick slowly made his way to sit next to her but all he could think about was how the last time they sat in one of these trailers, she was moaning his name by the end of the night. "Soon El, I need a little liquid courage first." He told her and she looked a bit confused. "Oh is this serious?" Ellen said being really worried she had done something without knowing about it. Patrick didn't answer her and instead he took a sip of the wine and asked her about her day.