Fire and Ice (Mick Rory Fanfic)

Chapter 2: The Life as Snowflake

(Lily's Pov)

My eyes shot open which made shout a bit as I immediately sat up in my bed. My heart raced, stomach churned, head pounded and palms sweat with anxiety. Pretty much every morning's happened this way...I can never sleep due to my past and even if I do I always get nightmares and wake up the moment my father starts to hurt me again...but this time in my nightmares, my siblings do nothing...they abandoned me and left me there to die...

I can't get away from the nightmares...they just never stop; how can I sleep the nightmares away if they're in my dreams too? I looked around seeing I was safe in my room at my home. I sighed and breathed heavily trying to calm down my racing heartrate.

I put a hand on my pounding head and groaned in pain...people think sleep is an escape from reality but lucky them right? Because no matter what happens, what I do, how many lives I save and even if I'm remotely having a good time, it all doesn't fucking matter because everything always comes back...Everything...

They say time heals all wounds...Yea? Wanna tell that to the 8 years that I was abused since my father was put in prison? What fucking time? I haven't had a normal childhood since the moment I was fucking born. I killed my mother, my siblings practically raised me and my father abused me for YEARS since the moment he went to prison.

You think I should feel safe now knowing he's gone? Well guess what? He's never fucking gone because of what he did to me, he's never fucking gone because everytime I look in the fucking mirror, all I see is him, he's still in my life and in my fucking nightmares so NO, time doesn't fucking because I am broken! I am scarred and traumatized until I have the motivation to actually fucking kill myself and be successful this time!

I sighed and huffed angrily as I looked at my clock seeing it was 6am and the sun was just rising outside and shining through the blinds of my window making it just light enough to know that it's morning...I took a deep shaky breath and wiped the sweat from my hands and forehead.

I groaned and rolled my eyes knowing I had work soon. Don't get me wrong, I love my work and friends but I'm just fucking exhausted...I don't have the energy anymore, I don't know how much longer of this I can take...I have no more fight left in me...I know my friends care about me but they'd honestly be better off...I'm nothing, I'm worthless...The world is better off...So what's stopping me from dying this time?

I frowned as I finally hopped out of bed stretching and yawning. I groggily headed to my bathroom and grabbed some advil from the cabinet for my pounding headache. I headed to my kitchen, grabbed a cup and filled it up with water. I downed 3 pills, drank my water and sighed as I wiped my face again...I just wish it would all stop...

I know there's remedies and help out there like I could try medication or therapy but I don't know what all it's going to do and I don't want people thinking I'm a freak for doing either...I mean I don't know; I don't want to be sent away and put in a mental hospital...I also just don't have the money so...I might have to get another job because I don't get paid much at my job as it is...

Superheroes don't get paid so...but I mean my friends always pitch in incase I need to pay my bills or rent and such which is very nice of them but I can't have them do that for me...I honestly just don't feel like I deserve it...I don't deserve them or their kindness...honestly I feel like the only thing I deserve is death so...

Anyways, I shook my head and sighed as I brewed some coffee and headed to the bathroom to take a shower. I turned on the water, stripped out of my pj's which were sweats and a regular t-shirt and hopped in letting out a small sigh as the hot water felt nice.

I took a deep breath before ducking my head under the water, letting it accumulate the rest of my tired, aching body. I sighed and looked down seeing so many scars etching my skin ranging from all the punches, kicks, shit thrown at me, me thrown at shit and so many more...some even self-inflected because I hate myself and my life...