Fire and Ice (Mick Rory Fanfic)

Chapter 16: Help Please

(MASSIVE TRIGGER WARNING. ATTEMPTED SUICIDE SO PLEASE READ WITH CAUTION IF YOU ARE EASILY TRIGGERED THANK YOU! ANY HATE WILL GET BLOCKED)

(Lily's Pov) *Time Skip to A Few Days*

After a few days of taking my medicine, I've felt so awful and so weird these past few days you have no idea. I know medicine takes a while for your body to get used to but man did I feel like absolute garbage. I was so tired, so weak and so dizzy every damn day, when I take them at night I literally pass out from how tired they make me and yet, I still don't have the energy to get up and do shit in the morning.

I've thrown up a few times and my god, the headaches are so bad and unbearable that I feel like passing out from the pain, this fucking sucks and at this point, I didn't feel like I was getting any better...I felt sick every day, I was crying everyday from the fucking pain I felt and just how truly awful this experience was...this felt way worse than me not being on medication...I would rather not fucking be on medication because this isn't fucking working...nothing is going to make me feel better...

Everyone keeps telling me to wait it out, to wait it out and be patient because shit like this takes time and what I'm feeling is normal, but I didn't feel fucking normal, you have no goddamn idea how I'm feeling and nobody seems to fucking give a damn. I was hurting and in pain every day and yet, it didn't fucking do anything...

When I slept, I still have nightmares but only in fast flashes, sometimes I remember them, sometimes I don't. I have flashbacks happen when I'm zoning out sometimes...but who's to say this medicine will actually help if I'm just feeling like absolute trash each and every day? I didn't want to get out of bed anymore.

I didn't want to move, I didn't want to sleep, I didn't want to eat or shower...I was just done...I was just so done with everything and everyone and living. I know the others are getting frustrated and fed up with me. I can feel it...It's my fault...It's all my fault...maybe I should just end it all...everyone would just be happier and things can go back to normal for them...Go back to doing what they love before I went and fucked it all up because that's what I do...I always fuck up one way or another...

They shouldn't have to be stuck into taking care of me or looking out for me...I am a fucking adult for fucks sake and yet they're treating me like some sick baby who can't do anything by themselves or like a toddle who they're scared of is hurting themselves...This shouldn't have to be their lives or my life...They're criminals for fucks sake, they should be out doing what they love...I'm not important, I don't matter...

So why do they care so much if I'm nothing but a bother? I'm nothing but a waste of space like my father said...He's right...Everything he says is right about me...I mean look where we are? I'm 20 years old for fucks sake...and my life has never gotten better...20 years of nothing but sheer trauma, pain, agony, anger, and loneliness...My life has not gotten better since.

Sure, I'm a 'hero' who works for Team Flash and I'm dating the love of my life who's also a criminal. So yea, I've tried to be happy, I've tried to do things and be things that make me happy but look where it all ended up? Right back where it all fucking started...So it's safe to say that maybe the world doesn't want me to be happy, maybe the world doesn't want me to be alive and maybe the world is just better off without me in it...

I tried isolating myself the best I could from everyone because I know that if I go along with my plan then it might hurt the others less...I don't know but it's been hard because they're pretty much all around me 24/7 and don't really take their eyes off me so...The only time I can ever get by myself is if everyone is asleep and I'm still awake or when I go to the bathroom but even still, I just can't do this anymore...I don't think I have any fight left in me...I can't take this anymore...I'm so sorry everyone....i'm so sorry...