Hope's pov
A week ago I defeated Malivore and became a full tribrid, but more importantly I didn't turn off my humanity after I killed him and that's all thanks to my friends and my aunt's words that she said to me right before I died
I started training with Caroline right after I turned into a vampire and she helps me a lot, but I can still feel myself start to lose control whenever I get angry or really upset
The whole Super squad has been helping me and I feel so grateful to have them because I know if it weren't for them, I wouldn't probably have my humanity right now
Lizzie and Josie help me the most and I sometimes yell at them because I feel like I'm losing control or I start to not care anymore, but they don't run, no they put me in place every time that happens
When I calm down I instantly start to feel bad because I know that they just wanna help, but I just have those days where my anxiety and my paranoia kick in and I just take it out on anyone who's near me
I know it's wrong, but I just don't know what to do when I get like that because it's easier to yell then to admit that you need help or that you're not doing okay
I know it's only been a week since I became a tribrid and that I still have a long way until I accept that I'm immortal now and until I learn to fully control my vampire side
I also know that I shouldn't be hard on myself and all my friends keep telling me that, but I just can't help it sometimes because the last thing I wanna do is hurt someone
And I put a lot of pressure on myself because of that and I know I shouldn't be doing that, but I promised my parents I would clear our family name, that I would be better
I just wanna make them proud and I hope I do, I just wish they were here to help me with this because I need them now more than ever, but I know that's not possible
Now the only thing that's pissing me off the most since I became a full tribrid is Landon because he thinks that we are still together, but he was the one that broke up with me, even before I decided to become a tribrid and it's pissing me off
I just want him to understand that I don't wanna be with him again because I realized that our whole relationship was toxic and that I deserve to be with someone better and someone who truly loves me
I realized that was never him because he left me three times and I feel so stupid for giving him so many chances, but I'm done and I just wish he would see that
Right now, I'm in my room and I'm waiting for Josie to come, so that we can go to breakfast together, it's also one of new things that happened since I became a tribrid
Josie and I became even closer and I feel like she's the only one that fully understands me, I mean don't get me wrong. I love Lizzie and she's like my sister, but with Josie is different
She's special and sometimes she's the only one that can calm me down when I start losing control, I don't know what it is about her that always calms me down, but I know I always felt like that when she was next to me or talking to me
Even before we were friends, I always felt this pull towards her, this connection. I mean I had a crush on her when I was 14, but ever since we became friends, I started to feel something towards her again
I don't know when I exactly realized that my feelings came back, but I know I felt like this even when I was still with Landon, but I ran from it
I did everything to not think about her like that because I know we will never be more than friends and that she doesn't feel like that about me anymore
