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There are things that are meant to be let go, even if you don't want to—even if your heart is continually telling you can't.
There are things that we can't control, and one of those things is our feelings. Loving someone is a risk. It's not a choice. It was a feeling that came genuinely and you didn't have fully control of it.
It's like movies and novels. A girl falls in love with her enemy or a girl falls in love with a villain. It was unexpected and the girl said that she didn't want it at first. The girl will deny that she fell in love, even when the truth is she did and she didn't know it because she doesn't have control of it.
And like how we don't have control over falling in love, we also don't have control over unloving someone.
It will take time.
It will take a while.
And maybe we can't unlove someone, so instead of forcing ourselves to live with the feeling of loving someone we can't have.
I still know to myself that I can't unlove Arthfael because if I could, I already did a year ago. And if I really can't stop loving him, maybe I should just learn how to live with it. I should just learn how to handle it when he's around. I should just learn how to accept that he was the love that I couldn't have.
I'm letting him go.
For real.
Nakatitig ako sa singsing na naiwan saakin. Tahimik ang office ko at tanging ako lang ang tao.
I held the promised ring that Arthfael gave me before in between my fingertips. I haven't forgotten to wear it since the day he put it on my finger. I was even wearing it last week when we saw each other after four years.
I don't know if he noticed it, but I hope he didn't.
I just forgot to remove it that day.
The bracelet he gave me got broken last year. Napagawa ko naman, pero hindi ko na ulit naisuot.
I have no plans to throw away the things that he gave me, but I don't think I could still continue using them. Maybe I'll just put it in a safe place. I will put this ring in a safe place.
I licked my lip and gazed at the box in front of me. Slowly, I put the ring inside of it and closed it. I held the box and put it in my drawer.
After that night, I made myself busy. No'ng nagpaalam akong pupunta na sa k'warto nang gabing 'yon ay ginawa ko. Hindi na ulit ako lumabas at nang kinabukasan ay maaga akong nagpaalam sa kanila na aalis.
I haven't seen any of them since last week. I was very busy with my designs, and I guess they're busy too. I was texting and messaging the girl on their social media account. They were just checking on me, but they never asked about me and Arthfael.
I was wishing that they would not ask too, because I'm not ready to open it up with them.
"Miss Khal,"
Nag-angat ako nang tingin sa may pintuan ng office ko nang sumilip mula doon ang secretary ko.
She smiled at me. "Uuwi na po ako, Miss Khal. Hindi pa po ba kayo uuwi?"
She entered my office and stood in front of my desk. I glanced at my wrist watch and at the glass wall of my office. I saw the sun being slowly eaten up by the dark sky.
I licked my lips and smiled at my secretary when I turned to her. "I'm going home too. I'm just fixing my things. Mauna ka na,"
"Sigurado po kayo, Miss?"
