A Decade Of Drumbeat

Chapter 6: Slow mo

Parang may kung anong kiliti akong naramdaman habang nagsasalita siya malapit sa tainga ko.

Tinukod niya ang dalawang kamay sa mesa na nasa harapan ko kaya parang nakayakap narin siya sa'kin mula sa likod. I can feel his chest on my back. Unti-unti ko naring nararamdaman ang labi niyang dumikit sa likod ng tainga ko...and for a moment, I just want to close my eyes, this is freaking crazy!

Agad akong lumayo sakanya at natawa nalang siya. Look, he's just playing with you, Leigh...wake up!

Don't do that again, w-what if Anne saw us? huh? what will you say? tanong ko habang hindi parin makatingin sakanya.

Wala. natatawa pa siya.

I'm sure she'll get jealous.

Edi magselos siya, wala parin namang magbabago.

You're really a playboy. this time, I look at him already. hindi mo iisipin ang mararamdaman ng girlfriend mo noh?babalik rin lahat ng kasamaan mo sa'yo, tingnan mo. napakasama ng ugali ng lalakeng ito. Hindi niya deserve si Anne. I mean, lahat ng mga babae hindi deserve na ganon kung tratuhin. Kahit ganyan si Anne, dapat hindi parin siya paglaruan.

But maybe it's really their choice. Lyde is known for being a playboy in school, he's the campus crush and still, I don't know why and I can't find reason about it.

Alam kong alam ni Anne ang gawain ni Lyde pero pinatulan niya parin. Maybe that's really love huh? kayang magpakatanga just to have that person in your life even you know at the end of the day, that person will just leave you. I don't get it, but maybe maiintindihan ko lang ito if I will experience it myself. Hindi ko parin alam, hindi ko pa kasi ito naranasan and I don't want. Wag muna ngayon, ayoko pa. Marami pa akong problema kaya sana, wag na itong dadagdag. I'm happy kung ano ang meron ako ngayon at siguro sapat na ito para mabuhay.

I think, I can live being with myself only. No need to find love, happiness and contentment to others, you can find it in yourself. Ikaw lang ang nakakaalam kung ano ang gusto mo sa buhay, kung ano ang magpapasaya sa'yo, kung ano ang magpapakuntento sa'yo kaya dapat, ikaw din mismo ang gagawa nito sa sarili mo. You know yourself more than others so do it for yourself. Don't wait for others to fulfill it for you, fulfill yourself by doing it yourself.

Don't judge me Leigh, you don't know me.

Yeah, maybe...and I can't also understand you. All, all boys who has the same damness like you. he just laughed at me.

Nauna na akong naglakad. Tumingala ako para tingnan kung may sunset na ba.

I can feel his presence now, sinasabayan na niya ako sa paglalakad ngayon. Habang nakatingin ako sa taas, ngayon ko lang nahalata na puno pala ng mga makukulay na banderitas ang bayan namin. Wait, what month it is now?mukhang bago lang nagfiesta ah.

Sumasali ka ba sa mga palaro kapag fiesta?

Nope. so fiesta na talaga?when? tomorrow?

Takot ka talaga sa crowd noh?

As if you don't know me.

As in? lahat ng okasyon 'di ka sasali kapag maraming tao?

Yes, sa mga taong hindi ko lang kakilala pero sa mga relative namin, okay lang but I still distanced myself a little. you can't understand me noh? I can't too, haha.

Ang saya kaya nun, lalo na ang mga palaro kapag fiesta.

Lyde, we all have different happiness.