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"What if we don't work out?" Adalena throws her question into the darkness, feeling as Adriano gently cuddles her. He says nothing, knowing she has more to say, "I'm self-destructive, Adri. It can be going so well, yet I'll mess it up —"
He shuffles and pulls her closer into his inviting chest, "You have a habit of seeing the worst in situations, amore. Wanna know the secret to changing that?" She doesn't answer, which serves its purpose, "Closing your eyes." She tilts her head up, eyes caught on the shadow of his scarred face.
The two were submerged in the bedroom, the clock on the side reading 2:16 AM. They were exhausted — well, Adriano was — but if Adalena isn't ready to go to sleep, neither is he.
He didn't like to go to sleep before her — maybe it was the fear that she could leave him when he closes his eyes or the fact that he could still feel her stare, even with no light to see her.
He pecks her forehead, "Close your eyes and think about all the good that can come out of it." He can already feel the question brewing in her mind and continues, "If you feel that pessimism crawl back in, focus everything you have on the good."
"Is that what you do?"
He bites his lip, "Now, yeah."
She pouts, "And before?"
He releases a huff, gaze cast out into the darkness, the barely visible ray of light shining from the moon onto a chair by the window. He focuses on it as he speaks, "My eyes were wide open." With his arms around the woman he loves, the urge to touch his scar is decreased by his lack of mobility. So Adalena does it for him. "Too open."
He never told her the specifics of how he got it. She just knew he got it when he was twelve. Too young to be hurting the way he was.
"My dad hated that I wanted to focus on things that weren't the Family." He turns to lay on his back, eyes scanning the flat ceiling. He hated reliving that night but every glimpse of himself in the mirror caused just that. "School... higher education... a life he couldn't control." He hated it. The memories of his lack of childhood. He knew his brothers suffered too. Shit, he could feel when Luca caught stray beatings for not being strong enough.
They were never strong enough.
"I knew I'd be stuck here, being what he wanted me to be, but I hated it. I hated being here and being forced to become him. A killer. An asshole. I tried to run away." He purses his lips, "Stole some cash and tried to catch a flight to America, but he caught me." He looks down at Adalena who couldn't take her eyes off him. "He caught me, brought me home, locked me in a room for weeks, and I stupidly kept fighting. He said if I wanted to pursue freedom in education so badly, he'd teach me a lesson himself so he gave me this scar with his favorite knife."
"I stopped fighting in that moment." He scoffs in realization, "I think that was the only time he wasn't disappointed in me."
His words fuel her anger for his father. She reminds herself to spit on his grave later.
"Now, here I am. Got that education and look where I am: a killer just like him. I'm scared that he's right. All that fight was for nothing. For me to end up just like him. I don't want to be like him when I start to see the things he saw, Lena." He tries to fight the tears that build up but looking at the woman he loves, he can't find it in himself to hide them from her. She rests a comforting hand on his cheek. "I don't want to be like him to our baby."
"You won't." She asserts without hesitation. She could see the doubt in his eyes so she says it again and props herself up, "You won't be like him, Adriano. I swear to everything that allows me to breathe the air I breathe. You will be nothing like the man that traumatized you because you're better than what he gave you. Look how amazing you turned out."
Adriano chuckles almost scornfully as he turns his head to focus on the ceiling yet again, "Are you sure about that?"
Her brows furrow as she finally sits up completely, still not gaining his full attention. He bites his bottom lip as he avoids her gaze.
"Adriano, look at me."
He doesn't. Instead, he releases a sigh and rubs his eyes, "It's late. Long day tomorrow." He turns his back to her and almost curls into himself.
Adalena has to fight off her tears. She hated seeing him like this. There's only been not even a handful of times where he's retreated after speaking about his trauma. She knew he wasn't mad at her, just needed a break from the conversation.
So, she bites her lip and nods to herself. She lays back down and does what he was doing to her just moments ago, wraps her arms around him and just holds him.
"I love you." She whispers and kisses his cheek. She doesn't expect a response. And she doesn't get one, except for the steady breathing that escapes him seeing as he'd fallen asleep quickly.
The only thing she gets is him leaning in closer to her.
"I love you." She says again, just in case he can hear her. She knows he needs to hear it and she has no problem saying it.
• • •
The next morning, Adalena woke up to empty sheets and a bouquet of white roses in Adriano's place. Seemingly he'd left early for a meeting and left something in his wake.
With her head still on her pillow, Adalena brings the bouquet to her face and smells them, a smile growing on her face as she gets the lingering scent of Adriano's cologne along with the natural essence of the flowers themselves.
Somehow, they were a perfect combination.
Looking further, she spots a small black envelope in a space between two stems. With a smile growing on her face, she opens it and reads Adriano's familiar penmanship.
I'm sorry for shutting down last night. I know you were trying to help and I should've been more receptive to your efforts. To apologize, I have something planned for tonight. A package will be coming in later but for now, I want you to relax and enjoy the rest of your day.
I love you, Adri
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