Believer (#3) | ✓

26. more than enough

               A headache is what I woke up to. So searing and painful that I can't even keep my eyes open long enough to take in the sun because it was so bright.

I feel like my head is pulsating; if I didn't know better, I'd guess I was having a stroke. My body is aching and my heart is racing.

I'm stressed. Obviously, it doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure it out. But, my body reacting to it like this is scary.

I have no clue where Adriano is or what time it is or why I was even up at — I check the alarm clock beside me with squinted eyes — seven in the morning. The pain didn't even start until I opened my eyes.

The fact that it's this bright this early might be my only qualm about being in Italy.

And again, Adriano is gone. This is about the fourth morning in a row where he's been missing from his side of the bed by the time I'm woken up. I don't know how to feel about it but it's been too long and too stressful for me to worry about it.

So out of everything happening in our lives that makes me anxious, I decided to let that one go.

I roll out of bed with the energy I have and trudge to the bathroom, hunching over the toilet just in time. Last night's dinner is expelled from my upset stomach and luckily my bonnet held my hair back.

My body doesn't feel like my own as I try to remain calm and hopefully, get enough of a grip that I can crawl back into bed and pretend this didn't happen, but unfortunately, life doesn't work like that.

I feel like I'm just a host and someone is controlling my body as I finally strip my clothes from my body, the heat constricting my lungs as I attempt to breathe. I've never had heat flashes like this - not even in my years of painful periods before I started birth control in my younger years.

My head falls into my hands and I settle, my chest heaving in anticipation. I just need to breathe.

No, I need Adriano.

He's busy, keeping us safe.

I sniffle, despite the thoughts running through my mind. I want his arms around me, comforting me during whatever this is. I just need him, his presence.

I decide to sit under the running shower, craving something cold on my burning skin. Twenty minutes pass before I feel stable enough to go back to the main bedroom, a towel and robe now wrapped around me.

I need to tell Adriano what's wrong.

So after pulling on some clothes, I embark on my journey to find him in this ridiculously sized house. He's either in his office or the briefing room and seeing as the latter is farther, I decide to check his office first.

And there he is. The door is wide open, Adriano sat in his chair, leaned back with his head against the seat as he stares up at the ceiling with his piercing gaze. The whites of his eyes are slightly red with either exhaustion, tears, or just weed.

But I doubt he'd smoke this early.

I step to the open door and knock to alert him of my presence. He averts his gaze to me slowly and just looks at me, dressed in one of his white shirts and a pair of biker shorts.

With the acknowledgment, I enter and close the door behind me.

"What are you doing up so early?" He finally asks as I step toward his desk, lowering my body on the guest seat across from him.

I bring my knees to my chest and bite my lip, "You first."

He blinks and licks his lips to wet them. He raises his back from the seat and leans forward to turn the papers on his desk toward me. "Bit of catch up. We're missing $5 million in sales." My brows shoot up. "Three of our distributors turned up dead last night, pockets empty."

My stomach turns, "Think it's Kory?"

Adriano says nothing and just chews on his bottom lip. I wouldn't be surprised if it started bleeding. To help him out with that, I get up from my comfortable spot and round the desk to plop myself on his open lap. He leans back as wraps his arms around me.

I pull his bottom lip out of his mouth and rub it with my thumb.

"I know these past couple of days have been stressful, Adri." I start, "And I'm sorry."

He tilts his head, "I'm sorry, Lena. With all this shit piling up, I've practically been missing from our bed."

I shake my head. I'm not the priority right now. "You've been doing this shit way before you met me. Take care of it."

"None of this matters to me if you're not okay, Adalena. You are my first priority."

I want to tell him what's been happening to my body. But now that I'm close enough, I deduce that the redness is from tears, especially when he sniffles and looks away.

"Hey, why are you crying, baby?" I ask, hoping to not provoke him.

He shakes his head and leans behind me to grab something from the desk. It's a framed photograph of his mother and him, the scar prominent on his face. I remember that haircut — it was our sophomore year of college.

"Oh." I want to cry for him. I know he misses her. I met Martina at our graduation — she and his brothers showed up for him, his father nowhere to be seen. She was the sweetest soul I had the privilege of knowing. She celebrated both of us, hugging me with a warmth that not even my own mother possessed.

"She would've told me how to do this. How to be useful here without abandoning you." He huffs, "I feel inadequate, Lena. I feel like I'm not enough for you, for our baby."

I stop him before he can continue this self-deprecating party of his, "You are more than enough, Adriano Santino." He shakes his head and goes to look down but I fixate his gaze on me, "You are more than I've ever asked for. You care and you love and you are here. These last couple of weeks have been plagued by some guy that has a vendetta against you — against us. Don't apologize for taking the time to do what you have to in order for you to come back and be where you're supposed to be."

He looks at me for a moment longer and presses his lips to mine, the taste of salty tears filling my senses. But I kiss him back. I kiss him back because I missed his lips, his energy, his presence.

When I pull away with the intention of telling him everything, he lowers his head again, looking at the photograph.

"I miss her, Adalena." He sniffles, "So much that my heart hurts when I hear her voice in my head."

I take him into my chest and hold him as he cries, his arms tightening around me in the process. "I know, baby." I try to fight off my own tears but I'm unsuccessful, "I know."

happy sunday y'all! ❤️