Peculiar [PSLU #1] [GL]

PROLOGUE (NEW VERSION)

01: PECULIAR 

I took a few steps backward and let out a heavy sigh. Wondering if those lies beneath us didn't happen, would you be able to look at me the same? I never wanted any of these to happen in the first place. Everything just started to fall apart without me knowing, maybe I was just that selfish brat who thinks only of herself.

Pero masama ba minsan maging selfish? Because I only tend to give, and give that I almost forgot that I also have myself. And then I lost...I got lost in my own choices in life that I didn't even bother to think about the consequences. 

But then again, it's you...It's you that we are talking about. The solely woman who made my heart crumbled into tiny pieces, a woman that I never thought that I could be eyeing for. But only to found out that you were already falling for someone, and that someone isn't me. Then a question struck me, who I am in your life?

Replacement? Options? One of the choices? Substitution?

Where do I get to stand where I wasn't the first one who captured your heart? Where was I?

"You better get a hold of yourself if you don't want to end up like her." I clenched my jaw as I remember those moments, there's no way that I would make myself idiot around here especially in front of him.

The man who ruined everything, the reason why everyone fell into a miserable trap hole. Dahil sarili lang niya ang iniisip niya, ang kayamanan, ang pangalan. At kung sa iba natutuwa sila maging mayaman, pano ako na hinihiling na sana naging normal nalang ako? Na sana hindi nalang ako nabuhay, na sana ay ibang tao nalang ako?

"You were the reason why everything crumbled down in the first place." I received a hard slapped from him.

But I still managed to pull up a small smile in my lips, I even tasted my own blood. Pero wala ng mas sasakit sa nararamdaman ko sa mismong dibdib ko.

"You're disgusting!" 

"Maybe because we have the same blood. I should be the one who should be ashamed here. I despise people like you."

Dahil kahit anong salita ang marinig ko sa taong nasa harapan ko, it wouldn't even bother me a bit. Sanay na ako, sanay na sanay. Dahil simula palang na pagkabata ko, alam kong hindi mo na ako gusto. Alam kong kinakamuhian mo na ako, because you only care about image, power, money, and connections.

And using me will gave you more access in your devilish schemes. I already lost one, I can't be in the same stepping stone. I don't want to live like that. But then someone came into the picture, to a peculiar tale of my life that I wasn't even aware of. Not until she made it as our own story, and gave it a bitterly ending.

I can still remember how your eyes looks like, it was a combination of ocean and art - deep and complicated. I wouldn't even mind spending inch and every of my seconds only looking at you, not minding my surroundings or if there's a people around us.

I only wanted to make you happy, to give you all I have, but it only gave you more sufferings, it only made you worst. Is my love really that suffocating? Is my love was the reason behind your sorrow? Because you were the only water that I was to willing to dive in, whatever it takes. 

But fate was just too cruel to the both of us.

"It has been years, when will you move on?"

"Until my hair gets white and I die, I guess?" I answered, earning a little smack on my shoulder.

"Get a grip, you're going to be the next president and you're the only heir on the next generation of your family's business." She said, with a serious face.

I frowned in that. "What's the purpose of having a luxury life when I couldn't even find the purpose of living anymore?"

"I guess that's the price to pay for someone like us, pinanganak tayong mayaman, pinanganak tayong sinusubo nalang ang mga bagay na dapat pinaghihirapan. at pinanganak tayong comfortable na sa buhay. And because of too much comfort, we don't know how to have a life, we don't know how to get out of our comfort zone." She muttered in a resentful way.

"Do you think kung sumunod ako sakanya ngayon, magiging masaya narin kaya ako? Because I had been thought that the life in heaven is much better than living in the ground, living here already feels like a hell in the first place." My voice broke, I bit my lower lips to contain my emotions. I can't cry, I shouldn't.

"At sa tingin mo ba magiging masaya siya kapag nalaman niya ang narinig niya ang mga sinasabi mo ngayon? She suffered, and you also have your own pain. All you have to do is to figure out the next step that you should do right now, that is to live and be happy. Kasi sigurado ako na ayun din ang gusto niya para sayo."

And there, I broke down. Pero parang pakiramdam ko, wala kong karapatan umiyak at magkaroon ng hinanakit sa mundo. Dahil alam kong may kasalanan parin ako, at ako ang naging dahilan bakit pati siya ay nasasaktan din ngayon.

I knew if I didn't make a rush decisions, you're probably still with me. In the end, I just made everything hard for you to swallow up. I was supposed to protect you, because that's what I had promised.

That's what I expected to do, that I almost didn't care if it will cost my life.

"I almost thought that I did, but it wasn't really you that I love in the first place."

I wanted to laugh at myself for being the most pathetic person in the whole world. Knowing me, I didn't study hard and got what I needed to achieve for myself just to ended up being whipped for someone like her. Pero anong magagawa ko? She's everything. One word it could even pound my heart beats faster than its normal rate.

"Do you regret it?"

"I don't...but I wanna think twice now."

But you know what's funny? Even though I received a lot of pain from her words I knew that it wasn't enough for the sufferings that I had experienced within those years, I was the cause of her pain after all, I did this, I did this to myself and to her.

There's no way that I deserve to be happy and there's no such things as choices for someone like me when she didn't even choose me in the first place. No, wrong. I was never the first. I was never at the choices.

Although for someone like me, I would still like to keep holding on to the memories that we made, because that's the only pieces that I have left with her, that even if she left me and didn't love me in the first place, I will still run to the home that I never felt when I was a kid, and that home is her. 

Because if we crossed our path again in the future, I will still choose you like the way I choose you yesterday.