Axel

15

I S A B E L L A

I paced my bedroom looking for something to wear, the realisation hitting me like a ton of bricks as i panicked and paced around my room trying to gather my thoughts.

Axel was here, i was crying, he kissed me on the cheek, he comforted me, he let me sit on his lap.

I kissed him on the cheek!

And the fudging neck!

It was only when i got off his lap after kissing his cheek and calling him 'sweetheart" and walked to my room did i realise what the heck just happened.

Embarrassment was the first thing i felt when i stepped foot into my room. Purley because when i looked in the mirror my hair was noughty, my eyes were puffy and my nose was snotty. And he had seen me like that. Then confusion was next, i never expected Axel to come here to ask me to go somewhere with him, or comfort me the way he did.

I figured he did comfort me because he had no other choice, i was standing there in front of him crying and breaking down, then he found out about my parents and he had no other choice than to pity me.

Either way, it felt nice to have someone to hold me during the hardest thing i've had to go through. Today marked one year since my parents passed away, the pain hit me the minute i woke up and remembered it was indeed that day.

The day i was dreading, because it meant my parents are truly not here and will never come back. Perhaps, maybe, i sometimes thought they would come back, because my brain couldn't fully comprehend that they were dead.

It also marked one year of being completely and utterly alone, one year of exhaustion and tears. And in the whole year of being and feeling alone, today was probably the most i have felt lonely. So the minute Axel touched me, i wanted to grip on and never let go because i have never needed someone with me more than now.

When Axel did ask me to go with him to this illegal race, my first thoughts weren't the fact it was illegal, or that it was dangerous. My first thoughts were, go.

Go because you need something else to distract you from this horrible feeling, go because its the only thing that could get you through today, go because Axel asked, because he may want to be friends, because you want him to like you.

"Are you okay?" Axel called, his voice muffled through the door but i could tell he was right by it, and his voice was soft and low.

"You've been in there for 15 minutes, we need to go soon." He added. I quickly snapped out my thoughts and paused in my place.

"Im okay, just looking for something to wear." I shouted across the room, then stayed glued in my spot waiting for his answer.

"Okay, i'll go wait in the car, come down when you are done." He replied after a beat, his voice sounded unsure and i began to feel like he didn't want me there anymore, maybe he saw my ugly crying and thought i looked ugly so he changed his mind?

I shook off the thoughts and applied concealer and mascara, trying to cover up the fact that i have been crying all day. Then i walked to my messy closet, where clothes were randomly thrown in. In the end, i decided on black denim shorts and a white bodysuit being the first thing i found. I brushed through the messy noughts and added lip balm before slipping on some black high top converse on my feet.