Axel

25

A X E L

A shitty excuse like 'I don't feel good, go without me.' Left me alone.

Whilst everyone went out clubbing, i stayed home, in the dark. Left alone, with nothing but silence, the dark and drugs.

I was so high, i don't even remember walking all the way to the beach and getting in the water.

All i know is the present.

The present where i float on my back, surrounded by cold dark water, looking up at the stars that hardly shined enough light to see my surroundings.

I floated because the water was freedom, my release from the ordinary rules of gravity, a chance to experience weightlessness.

I felt the soft waves roll under me, i forced my heavy eyes open to stare up at the stars.

So many thoughts shouted and screamed at me whilst they mixed with the sound of soft waves crashing against the beach.

I shut my eyes, and they stopped. And as i floated here, in the cold water, high off my head. I thought about the only good thing that could come to my mind right now. I thought of her.

I thought of long golden blonde hair, eyes that were every green hue of the forest in the summertime, soft bronze skin, and a warm kind smile, one that lit up a room.

Bella was the only good thought, the only thought i liked, and the only thought i couldn't shut out even if i wanted too.

I hated myself for it. Hell, i even hated her for it.

I was aware how fucking stupid i looked right now, floating on my back on an empty beach in the middle of the night. It was embarrassing.

I was too deep in my thoughts and too high to care. But, if i was being completely honest i probably wouldn't care even if i was sober.

I don't give a fuck what people think of me, i don't care if they like me or not, i've learnt to stop giving a shit a long time ago.

From afar, where the bar was, it was packed with people. They swam, they drank, they danced and they laughed. Where i was it was dark, empty and lifeless.

I stayed floating for a good 30 minutes before i decided it was time i got out, the last thing i needed was for the others to get home and come looking for me.

I sat up in the water, the water hit my chin, my wet hair was cold against my forehead as i swam back to shore. My drenched clothes stuck to my body when i got out, leaving droplets of water behind me as i walked.

I walked back up the way i don't remember getting here, and although my path back home looked like it was blending together, and everything was delayed from my mind i continued walking. I held myself up as much as i could.

My eyes rolled to the back of my head as i tried to get my normal vision back. I don't know how long, or how fast i walked, because i was so relaxed, so calm and so tired that time just ended up blending together and before i even knew it i was back in the house.

I gripped onto the railing as i walked up the steps, i could hear my heartbeat, and feel it in my ears, i could hear every breath i took, every little sound my body made.