My Soldier - Missing Home

Under The Stars

A/N ~~ Don't come for me!


~~Boxing Day Evening, L.A.~~

Normal POV

The last few hours have been so exhausting, my body is being pulled in so many different directions on top of being completely drained and irritated all at once. As much as being back with Lizzie and spending time with her family has been amazing, the conversation with David has managed to squash all the good I was feeling about meeting her family. I can't shake his comments, no matter how hard I have tried. But being at Jarnie's meant I had to put up a front so no one would ask what was said and so I wouldn't bring the mood down. David being there had already caused some tension so I didn't want to add to that at all if I could help it. I could feel eyes on me whilst we were all settled in watching some films but I ignored them, not wanting people to be worried about me if I could help it. Throughout watching the films, I could feel Lizzie trying to comfort me with little gestures but my body was beyond tense from my bubbling emotions. A small part of me didn't want today to end, because I knew as soon as we left her Mom's house, she would try and find out what was said and I didn't want to talk about it. I just want to enjoy our time together. I know she will feel like I am keeping things from her but I don't want to talk to her when I am already struggling with my emotions, I want to talk to her when I feel ready, and I just hope she understands that. The last thing I want is an arguement arising between us because of something that someone else has said. I have so much I want to sit and talk to her about after Nepal, but I need to feel like I am in the right frame of mind before I do. And she knows this. I just hope she lets me come to her rather than pushing me to talk when I'm not ready too. I know this is new for her, and new for me in many ways, so it will take time to adjust too for both of us. As much as I am worried about it getting too much for Lizzie, I hope it makes us stronger in the long-run.

Saying goodbye to Jarnie, MK and Ashley was harder than I thought it would be. Being with them for the past 2 days has been a breathe of fresh air and being able to spend so much time with them has been so special to me. The way I feel about Lizzie is very real and I want a future with her, so already feeling so close with her family that means so much to her is more than what I can ask for. And getting her Mom's approval was the sweetest thing ever. She is an actual Angel and I love her so much. I already can't wait to visit her again. The car ride back to Lizzie's place was quiet, my mind racing with how and when I can sit with Lizzie and talk about things before we leave again and head back to London. I don't want all this hanging over us when we go to London, but I know if I rush into talking with her, things could come out wrong and an arguement could happen, which is the last thing I want. I know she is going to want to know what her Dad said before anything else, but I also know that I need to talk to her about what happened with Natalia as soon as I can. God why does being away always do this to me! I don't know whether I want to run for miles or sleep for days. Running away from Lizzie is not the answer, but a part of me just wants to put on my gym gear and run until I can't anymore. Once we arrived at Lizzie's house, I quickly moved to get our bags and took them inside, taking the bags straight towards the bedroom without really thinking about it. I didn't hear Lizzie following behind me so I put the bags on the bed, not knowing why but my body was screaming for a shower. So I grabbed my toiletry bag and my phone and went for a shower. I checked my phone for any messages as I waited for the water to heat up, replying to a few from Maisie, Tom and Charlie before turning on my playlist and climbing into the shower, hoping it will help my body relax.

I lost all track of time in the shower, just letting the hot water run over my body, stinging my skin but I welcomed the feeling. When I finally built up the energy to actually wash myself, I did so sluggishly then turned off the water. I found a clean towel where Lizzie keeps them in the bathroom, drying my hair off before wrapping it around my body and heading out into the bedroom to get dressed. I'm a little surprised when Lizzie isn't there waiting for me but I shrug it off and find some joggers and a hoodie to put on once I am dry and have some boxers and a sports bra on. I slipped on some socks and made sure my hair wasn't a complete mess before making my way out the bedroom and towards the kitchen, knowing that's where Lizzie is most likely to be. I catch her walking back in from outside as soon as I reach the kitchen and smile softly when I see her small basket full of fruit from her garden in her hand. My smile doesn't last long though when I catch her glossed over eyes and frown as she barely notices I am standing there as she closes and locks the sliding doors then moves to the sink to start rinsing the fruit. I lean my shoulder against the wall beside me, just taking the time to admire her as she makes quick work of washing and putting the fresh fruit away in the fridge, seeming like she is in her own little World but I know her better than that, and I know she is worried about something and it's spiralling in her head. Once she is done, she washes her hands and puts everything away then stops all her movements and takes a deep breathe. I clear my throat quietly behind her, letting her know that she is not alone and she jumps a little at the sudden noise before turning to face me with a small smile on her face as soon as our eyes meet. Both of us having the same thoughts of not knowing what to say as a beat of silence fills the room until she turns towards the kettle to fill it with water.

"Tea?" She asks quietly just above the water running into the kettle. "Yeah, sure." I reply with an uncontrollable strain in my voice. Lizzie seems to catch it but tries not to comment as she turns to start making some tea for the both of us as I stay frozen to where I am stood. All I can manage to do is watch her effortless movements around the kitchen as my chest tightens more and more the longer the silence stays between us. We have never had this problem between us, not having anything to say or talk about. I know it's mainly my fault, and I hate myself right now for it, but I hope she understands why I am feeling this way. Once our tea is done, Lizzie brings both cups to the table, silently inviting me to sit with her so I follow her lead and sit with her in my usual seat. The silence still between us as I hold my warm cup in one hand as my other hand is resting near it on the table, my fingers toying with the ring on my finger anxiously, not being able to shake the tightness in my chest. After another agonising couple of minutes, I feel Lizzie's hand finally find mine on top of the table, her fingers filling the gaps between mine like she has done so many times before. I look up from my tea, finding her already looking over at me with a soft, concerned gaze and instantly the tightness in my chest gets worse seeing that she is so worried about me. I try and force a smile, but it's barely a smile that comes as Lizzie returns it anyways. "Do you want to go and unpack some of your stuff before we head to bed?" She offers, her voice quiet and filled with so many emotions. I nod my head softly in reply, not trusting my voice as I squeeze her hand in mine. "If you want we can wash some of your clothes before we head back to London?" She adds and I finally feel a more genuine smile pull at my lips at her attentiveness. "Sounds good baby." I whisper and her smiles grows hearing my voice before we both turn to finish our tea in a slightly more comfortable silence now.

After finishing our tea, I offer to take our cups to the sink and rinse them before following Lizzie towards the bedroom so we can sort out our bags. The silence between us following us from room to room as we grab our bags and sort through what needs washed and what needs put away. I love having my own space in her room for my clothes, but I can't help but notice some t-shirts and a hoodie or two are missing making my heart glow past all my bubbling emotions. She is too cute. I get done quickly so I decide on offering to put some fresh bedding on the bed for us, which Lizzie agrees to easily as she is sorting through her clothes and bags of presents from her Mom's. I make quick work of changing the bed, and just as I am about done, Lizzie gets done putting her perfumes in the bathroom and comes out to look my way as I am changing the pillow cases. I can tell she wants to say something, so I offer her a small smile and she takes it as her green light to ask what is on her mind. "So uhm, I'm guessing my Dad gave you the typical 'don't hurt my daughter' talk earlier before he left?" She asks and instantly I cringe at her words. I wish it had just been that talk, but he had a lot more to say. But before my brain can catch up to my mouth, I pretty much snap across the room with a stern voice in reply. "I don't want to talk about it.." Instantly I scold myself seeing Lizzie's eyes widen at my sudden change in tone and demenour as my body completely tenses thinking about what her Dad had to say when no one was around to hear it. I hate myself so much right now. But Lizzie just walks further into the room and stands on the other side of the bed to see me better as she continues to ask about it. "Was it that bad?" This is what I didn't want to happen right now. I grit my teeth and keep my voice as soft as possible as I try and get her to understand what I am feeling without having to tell her. "Lizzie, I really don't feel like talking about it right now.."

I don't dare look up from the pillow case in my hand as I hear Lizzie almost scoff under her breathe at my words. I really need her to understand right now but with how much she has most likely been in her own head since we left her Mom's, she wants answers that I am not ready to give her yet. So this is only going to go one way right now. "Why?" Is all Lizzie asks across the room, a hint of anger behind her voice that I wasn't expecting but understand so I try not to bite back but inevitably, my voice comes out a little sharper than I wanted it too. "Please just, back off about it for now Lizzie." I barely have time to look up and see her annoyed reaction behind her eyes before she storms off out of the room, thankfully not slamming anything on her way. I have no idea where she is but I listen closely to make sure no doors open so I know she is still in the house since it is getting late but I just leave her to calm down as I do the same. I hate to argue with anyone, especially people I care about, but deep down I knew this was inevitably going to happen. I just about get done with making the bed again when I hear heavy footsteps getting louder as Lizzie is storming her way back towards the bedroom, I don't look away from the comforter in my hand as I fold it and lay it across the bottom of the bed. I smooth it out just as she comes back into the room, standing not too far away from where I am at the bottom of the bed and her eyes are burning into me which makes me tense even more as I still don't look up at her. A silent minute passes between us before her voice finally breaks through, pulling my full attention towards her at her words. "Why are you trying to hide things from me Harley?" Instantly I know she is taking this all wrong, but I don't want this to escalate any further so I take a breathe in attempt to keep my voice calm. "I'm not hiding anything from you Lizzie.."

I finally look up and see how much her demenour has changed as she has her arms crossed over her chest as her eyes are trained on me. "Then why won't you talk to me about anything that has happened today?" She asks, her cheeks tinted red as her eyes never leave mine, barely blinking as she waits for me to explain myself but right now, I don't want to do this, especially with someone I really care about. "I just don't want to talk about it right now Lizzie. I'm tired and want to forget about it and enjoy being back with you and not in another Country on my own!" I snap the end of my sentence unintentionally, wanting her to realise that this is not the right time to try and get me to talk. But my efforts are quickly squashed by her biting back almost instantly. "You know what, NO! I'm sick of you hiding things!" Her words cut into me and almost straight away, I feel my body tense and go into defensive mode. I have no idea what she means by what she is saying, but this is escalating so quickly I have no idea what is going to be said. "Woah. Where the hell is that coming from?" I bite back again, and instantly her arms start to fly around as her voice rises in volume. "You Harley! Hiding things from me!" She shouts, sending my heart racing trying to keep myself as calm as I can. "Like what?" I snap in a low tone and she rolls her eyes in reply before stepping forward towards where I am in the room. "Like what happened between you and Frankie at Tyler's wedding!" Please not all this again.. Where is this coming from? I thought we were so far past this. "Nothing happened, I told you about it!" I defend instantly, knowing I told her what happened and what I did the next day. "You forgot to tell me that you danced together! You looked very cosy slow dancing together infront of your friends.. Was that before or after you almost kissed?" Oh God this is getting very heated and all I want to do is run. I hate this..

"For fuck sake Lizzie, we danced to one song, she was persistent and wanted to cheer me up. And that is when we talked about you, I told her I was missing you!" I defend, not needing to hesitate since I have never lied to her and never will. I have no reason to lie about any of this. "Yeah I bet you did.." She huffs out and that hits me harder than her shouting. She doesn't believe me. After everything she still doesn't trust me. "You don't believe me, do you?" I ask, my tone stern so she can't see how much that comment hurt me but she can see right through me as her eyes widen in my direction. "Harley I can't be with someone who hides things from me. Not again.." There it is. "I'm not like him, or anyone else you have been with who has hurt you. I have NEVER lied to you. And I never will. I'm not ready to talk to you because I am really feeling the effects of being home, not because I don't want to talk to you. If I am being completely honest, I want nothing more than to talk to you, but I just can't so soon. I thought you understood that?" I say breathlessly as I barely stop to breathe, wanting to get everything out. I can see her eyes softening slowly at my words before she snaps again. "I do understand Harley! I just wish you would tell me how your feeling so I know how to help you!" She shouts again and my back is up now at her loud tone of voice. "I don't need help! I don't need to be pushed into opening up when I'm not ready!" I bite back and she gets just as defensive in reply. "You had no problem opening up to Frankie that night about how you were feeling did you!?" Wow. Yeah, wow. At this point, I know that this is my cue to leave and let her calm down. This is only going to get worse. "You know what. I'm not doing this.." I say sternly and move to grab my phone and bag, ready to move onto the sofa for the night so we can both calm down properly.

It doesn't take long for Lizzie to try and stop me, her entire demenour changing as I grab my toiletry bag from the bathroom and come back out into the bedroom. "Harley wait.." She tries but there is no way I am letting this get any worse between us. "No Lizzie! I'm going to get ready for bed. I need sleep considering I flew for 10 hours to be with you on Christmas day 48 hours after coming home from 11 weeks of pretty much no sleep. So I'm not doing this right now. I'm going to bed." I say sternly but not loudly, not wanting to make this any worse. I see her eyes glossing over as she just nods her head in reply before I walk out the room. I hate leaving her, knowing she is going to be upset but this is what we both need to calm down. I dump my bags infront of the sofa in the living room and get my toiletry bag to go to the spare bathroom to brush my teeth and get ready for bed. I run the cold water and splash my face with it, willing away the tears that are threatening to fall but leaving behind deep red bloodshot eyes which are already stinging. As soon as I am done, I come back out of the bathroom and head for the sofa. As soon as I sit down, I can hear Lizzie moving around her room quietly as she is getting ready for bed most likely so I reach into my bag for my headphones and plug them into my phone as a distraction so I can at least take some time to calm down and gather my thoughts. As soon as my music is playing into my ears, I block everything else out and lie back on the sofa and allow my body to start to relax at it's own pace. I go through some breathing techniques that have worked for me in the past as I close my eyes to help me focus completely on myself. I know sleep is not going to be easy for me tonight, as much as I really need it. I know even if I do sleep, nightmares are going to quickly follow with how my emotions are. Maybe coming home early wasn't the best idea..


~~Lizzie's House, L.A.~~

Lizzie POV

I slowly start to stir awake, my eyes hurting as they try to open. I quickly lift my hands up to rub against my eyelids, hoping to wipe away the stinging sensation but nothing helps as I force them open. As soon as I can see what is around me, I quickly search the other side of the bed, hoping to find Harley but she is still not here. My heart clenching as my hand reaches out for her but finding nothing. I hoped she would eventually come to join me, but I must have fallen asleep waiting. Then as my body wakes up more, our arguement starts to replay in my head and my body curls up as I feel my eyes glossing over again. I feel so guilty getting so angry with Harley the way I did. She doesn't deserve any of what happened, but my emotions got the better of me and I was becoming more and more worried about her the longer she didn't talk to me. It hurts seeing her so hurt and trying to hide it from everyone, I just want her to know I am here and willing to comfort and support her in anyway I can. I may not completely understand what it is like for her, but I am willing to listen and just be there for her whenever she needs me to be. I need her to know that she is not alone anymore, the same way she has been my main support since the day we met. I want to be that for her too if she lets me. I know she is so used to doing all this alone, and I admire her for how strong she is, but she doesn't have to take on everything by herself anymore. I'm here. Right beside her ready to be her support and comfort. We still have so much to learn about each other, and so much to work on, and this just proves that we have more work to do. But I am not walking away when things get tough. No way. This is it for me. Me and My Soldier. So no matter how hard it gets, we will work through it and come out the other side stronger. I need to show her that I am here for her, no matter what she needs.

I carefully get myself out of bed, finding one of Harley's hoodies to put on before finding some slippers and going out into the living room to find her. I hope she is just asleep on the couch, at least I'll know she is getting some sleep but as soon as I reach the back of the couch, there is no sign of her or the blanket that is usually over the cushions. Her phone and headphones are on the coffee table so she hasn't gone far. I turn on the lamp and look up to find the clock, seeing it is a little past 3am before walking out towards the kitchen to see if she is there. I don't see any sign of her as I walk towards the kitchen, but I quickly notice that there is a small gap in the sliding doors as if someone has went outside and closed them a little behind them, leaving enough room for a hand to reopen them. I head for the doors carefully, looking out into the back yard before opening the doors and my eyes quickly find Harley lying back on a blanket over the grass. I stop and watch her, seeing her eyes fixed on the sky above her as her chest rises and falls deeply but calmly. Her right arm up resting behind her head as her other hand is holding onto her dog tags, toying with them between her fingers. Tears instantly trickling down my cheeks seeing her so deep in thought, wishing I could take away all her pain and worries. I can't imagine how hard it is for her, going from normal everyday life to being out there in unimaginable situations. She doesn't realise how strong she is for what she does. I am so proud of her every day and I wish I could show her more. But right now, I just want to be there with her. So I gently slide the doors open enough to slip out and carefully walk over to where she is. I catch her head turning slightly in my direction, her eyes sparkling with built up tears that she quickly blinks away as she sees me. My heart hurting seeing her like this as I hesitate to join her, which she must notice before she stretches out her arm as a silent invitation for me to join her.

Neither of us say anything as I carefully lay down beside Harley, my body turned into her side as I lay my head on her shoulder. Her arm soon wrapping around me and pulling my body into her side impossibly closer as I curl up into her touch. Both my hands tugging on the side of her hoodie as I let her adjust to me being with her before I say what I need to say to her. Once I feel her body is less tense and her breathing is calm again, I shift my head slightly so that I am facing the side of her face as her eyes are back to gazing up at the stars above us. As much as I don't want to interupt her, I need to apologise for what happened earlier so I can make things right between us again. "I'm sorry for arguing with you earlier Harley. This is the last thing you need from me after what you have been through for the last 3 Months.." I whisper into the small space between us, but I can't get through everything I want to say without feeling my chest tighten with guilt as my eyes start to fill with tears again. "It's alright Lizzie, I should have told you about it.." Harley begins to take over, but I don't want her to apologise, she has done nothing wrong. This is on me, especially everything I brought up about Frankie. It was out of line. "No, it was harmless, I know that. I just got irritated with the situation, I shouldn't have just come out with it the way I did before. I'm sorry Harley." I say genuinely and I feel her let out a deep breathe she was holding onto. "Thank you. But it's not even that that's bothering me really.." She admits and I know there is a lot more to all of this that we need to air out but I don't want to push her. I don't want a repeat ever of what happened earlier. "Harley, I love you. Regardless of what anyone else says, even my Dad." I assure her as best I can and I feel her body tense up again beside me. "I love you too Lizzie."

I let her try and relax but she doesn't and I can feel her breathing become harder for her. As much as I don't want to push her, I really need to know what is going on in her head now that we are calmer than earlier. "Talk to me Harley, whatever you can talk about.. Please?" I ask gently and quietly and I feel her let out a breathe before saying anything. "I just, I don't want to cause any problems between you and your family Lizzie. It's not fair to you or your family for someone else to come in and be the reason for tensions to rise in a room." She rambles slightly but I know what she is trying to say. "Harley. My Dad caused the issue today, not you. You did nothing wrong." I explain and try to reassure her but she is still so tense. "I know but.." I quickly and carefully lean up on my arm, reaching out my other hand to lay against her cheek so I can gently turn her so she is facing me so I know she is listening to my next words. "Stop Harley. Don't stress yourself out over this. He will come around, it will just take time. And I know you will put in the effort with him, and he will see that amongst everything everyone else loves about you and eventually he will drop his stubborn Dad routine and get to know you." I tell her confidently so she has to listen. "I hope so.." She whispers unsure on her own words and it kills me to hear her doing this to herself. "Harley please stop overthinking this, you've just got back, you need to be de-stressing not beating yourself up over something you have no control over." I say sternly wanting her to listen and take my advice. "Your right.. I'm sorry." She replies in a defeated tone. "And stop apologising." I gently scold her with a small smile and catch her lips pulling into a grin as her eyes finally meet mine with her familiar soft gaze that I have missed so much since this morning.

"Your lucky your cute Olsen.." She teases and my smile grows massively hearing her slowly getting back to her usual cheeky self. "I know. Now, come back to bed with me please?" I ask carefully and she looks back up to the stars before turning back to meet my eyes. "5 more minutes.." She says sweetly, I can never say no to her. "Okay. But can I get a kiss first?" I ask sweetly and she chuckles at my tone before nodding her head with a smile. "You don't to ask baby." She complains making me giggle as I lean up on my arm to reach her lips. I feel her arm wrap around behind me tighter to hold me up as my other hand slides down from her cheek to the side of her neck as her free hand reaches down to my waist. We share a loving and gentle kiss, washing away our doubts after our fight before we pull away and I lay my head onto her chest as she holds me close in her arms. I can feel her heart racing slightly in her chest after the kiss, making me smile at the effect I have on her as she rests her head gently against mine. "I wish you could have seen the night sky in Nepal.. The stars were all so clear where we are stationed. There was no light pollution from the City and we were so high it was like we could reach up and touch them.." Harley explains quietly and I can't help but smile hearing her talk about her time away. "That sounds amazing Harley.." I reply just as quietly and I can feel her smile as she leaves kisses on the side of my head. "It is a beautiful Country. And the people are so kind. It's horrible knowing they suffer everyday." She continues and can feel her body tense and relax as she speaks so passionately. God she is one of a kind.. She has such a pure heart and soul. No wonder she is so good at her job, part of me wishes I could see her out there one day, being the incredible and real-life Angel she is everyday.

We spend some more time just star-gazing before I can feel Harley's breathing getting heavier and the last thing I want is for her to fall asleep out here. "Come on baby.. Let's get you to bed." I whisper and feel her nod her head in reply. I carefully get up from her chest and up off the floor before turning to look down seeing Harley stretching her body out before slowly following me off the floor groaning as she does. "Bad back?" I question giggling and she quickly nods her head. "Just a bit of an ache." She replies with a smile as she rolls the blanket up and comes to join my side, wrapping me with her free arm. We head back inside, I lock the door behind us as Harley puts the blanket to one side so we can wash it tomorrow before she moves to get a bottle of water as I check the doors and windows are deffinently locked. As soon as I am done, I see Harley waiting for me so I quickly curl up into her side again as she wraps me in her arm and we head for bed. Once we get into the bedroom, I head off to use the bathroom as I remind Harley to go get her phone to put it on charge over night. She thanks me before going to get it. When I come out the bathroom, I find her looking for her charger in her bag sitting on her side of the bed making me laugh at her scrunched up face. I walk around to my side of the bed and climb under the blanket as she finally finds it and plugs everything in. I settle back into the pillows facing Harley and wait for her to join me, my eyes falling heavy already with her being back by my side and knowing we are okay. She soon follows me under the blanket and turns to face me, smiling as soon as our eyes meet. "Tired baby?" She whispers and I nod my head in reply making her chuckle as she moves to leave a kiss against my forehead. I lean into her touch before leaning back slightly to kiss her lips. Then to my surprise, she buries her head into my chest just under my chin and wraps her arms around my body. Her body relaxing instantly as I move my free hand into her hair soothingly and she pretty much melts into my touch making me smile as I hear her mumble a goodnight tiredly. "Goodnight Angel." I whisper and leave a kiss on her head, feeling more than content knowing I can give her the comfort she needs like this and knowing she is not shy to come and seek it from me.

This is what I want, every night, for the rest of my life..