Demons & Angels

21.

21. Sexual Deviants

Olympia

MY PARENTS CALLED ME THEIR MIRACLE BABY. AFTER YEARS of trying and contacting a fertility doctor they had me. Their one and only child.

They called me both a miracle baby and a gift from God. Before I was conceived, they had been requesting a blessing on their marriage and attempt on a baby.

Prior to my birth they were the average Catholic who rarely went to church except when they wanted something. The type that prays for cars instead of love the way they preach they do. After I was conceived, they were there every damn Sunday and sometimes on other days.

I was required to go on Sundays. Even if I hated the church and everyone in it.

Each day I went became another day that I hated. I spent an abundance of 1,040 days in church maybe more.

Sundays were a requirement and sometimes my parents dragged me along when they visited. There were events that happen as well that I was dragged to. After a certain point I lost track of days and only roughly estimated the Sundays.

Per almost every Catholic church this one was also all about purity.

The type to preach about how sex before marriage is a sin and you'd be impure if you participated. We were all given purity rings, a ring that I had 'lost' right as I came to college.

Every moment at that church at that church was a biting of my tongue and a feeling of shame.

Whether it be a priest passing around a rose or talking about same sex relations as a sin. Something that gravely affected me my junior year of high school.

It's probably why I didn't have many friends paired with my panic disorder. You only keep so many friends after you ghost and piss of one of the most popular girls in school.

College had been a breath of fresh air as well as being tossed right back under. While I may have half escaped that small town, I grew up in the threat of my parents loomed always and the effect that my upbringing had on me.

Now I sit exactly where they'd hate.

In an R.V. with a bunch of men they'd disapprove of. And not just for the fact that I had heard Reese sucking off Emerson not that long ago.

All three of them have a positive outlook on sex and not a single person on this R.V. save for me is a virgin. I didn't know how to feel about that.

I mean I'm used to it, but now I'm in close quarters. Close quarters with three attractive men who are apparently sex demons and capable of some sort of charm talk bullshit.

Reese had done it at the club and Emerson had done it when he came to apologize over him and Reese. It didn't last long but the feeling is engraved into my brain at this point. It won't ever break away now.

I think the worst part about the charm talk-touch thing is that I liked it. I liked it so much despite how much it terrified me.

It felt like this blissful floating. Warmth blossoming underneath my skin before it faded and then the anxiety and panic kicks back in. It's a one moment away from the constant panic and anxiety that looms over me.

After all these years I've gotten used to the panic that rules over my life. More in a way that I can function with it.

But when the two had done that weird charm thing the panic had left. For once I didn't feel freaked out and anxious. Despite how terrifying it is losing control over myself and them being so close I liked it.

I enjoyed the feeling so damn much. It felt embarrassing to admit to it.

Only a few feet away from me Emerson and Reese were in bed together. Lawson was in his bed passed out with his face half shoved into the pillows and an arm dangling off his bed.