Aftertaste - A Chris Evans Story

14

Present Day

You've got yourself in a dangerous zone, coz we both have the fear, fear of being alone 🎶

Ellie Goulding is literally out here summing up my life at the moment while I listen to some music on the way to a photoshoot. Amy, my publicist is back accompanying me to events and whatnot rather than Lucy, however my manager is here with me today so I get the joy of both - however I can tolerate Amy a little more. She's more sympathetic in some ways. 

She's been filled in on everything that happened while she was gone and agreed that the wisest thing is for me to move on. 

It is, but it's easy for them to say that. They're not pining after a man that will never be theirs.

"So we've got a contract set up with Davidoff for their Cool Water campaign" Amy now grins, "This is gonna be big Ever...EVER!" she taps my leg and I take my air buds out. "You alright?" 

"Peachy". 

"She's been walking around like a bear with a sore head all morning". Lucy puts in

"Probably to do with the fact that I have a sore head" I grumble. I drank waaaaaay too much last night and am paying for it bigtime. 

Stupid Chris and his stupid fucking perfect man face. 

It's been a few weeks since the whole situation unfolded and I haven't really been doing great, but I guess like always I have to suck it up. I almost called him last night, but thankfully was still somewhat sober enough to stop myself. It probably would've been disastrous whether he'd have picked up the phone or not

It still doesn't make any sense to me, him telling me how much he wanted me before backtracking. Sure he had the perfect excuse last year, but now? Did Jenny say something to him when he told her about us? Did he even get a chance to admit what he's done? Maybe, Maybe not. He sounded so different, I could hear his voice breaking slightly - I know him well enough to know that the words he said? At the time I thought he meant them, but on contemplating it ? Did he really? It sounded...wrong...

 I've lost so many sleepless nights over it, perhaps I'm overthinking. 

Still holding onto something I can never have.

Amy smiles weakly at me. "I think we need to hide the wine in future". 

"I'm fine". 

"Liar". 

I have to change the subject. "So yeah, Davidoff - what am I doing?" 

"The fact of  'Cool Water' woman - they're gonna schedule commercials and shoots in between your other stuff of course". 

I'm literally booked up to the point where I wonder whether I'll get any time off. Already I'm feeling burnt out, and I'm beginning shooting on a new Netflix series in a few weeks so I do have more exciting stuff coming up. 

I simply nod and look out of the window, hoping that the journey will go a little quicker. 

"Ever...you need to get your head together. Have you even heard from him?" Amy asks. 

"If I had done then you'd have heard it from Megan". 

"It was just one time, and we were worried". 

"Because reputation is soooo important". 

"It is if you wanna be respected and make it in this business". Amy stares at me, "You know that - you're getting big roles Ever, I mean, The Witcher? A Jane Austen adaption for Netflix?". 

"Seems like Netflix are the only ones who actually want me". I shrug. 

I can live with that as long as it means I don't have to work with Chris again anytime soon. Maybe in the future after time has passed and I've healed, perhaps if something comes up then I'll consider it. 

Just not yet. 

Amy gives up and I'm thankful to get to the location where we're having the photoshoot and interview. 

Focus Ever. Move on before you hurt yourself even more. 

I wish I could. 

But has he really moved on Ever? Does he still lie awake at night just like you do? Wondering whether you're thinking about him?  The other part of my mind says. 

You don't need a man... the other battles back 

He called you his Evermore, sure that counts for something. Words like his are not used freely here and there. He knew you Ever.  He told you he loved you, He was on the verge of walking and then just didn't? Something's shifty...

I shake the inner battle with my conscience and head to get into the clothes that I'm being dressed in for the shoot. 

All the while I still have the sense of unease

Push it out of your mind Ever! He's with her! Shares his home, his bed, his body - all of it with her!  You will never have that. Not with him. 

Safe to say that part of my mind has brought me crashing back to reality...for now...