Aftertaste - A Chris Evans Story

16

Flashback - 1 Year Ago

"You told me you'd leave!" I fume as I stare at Chris and pace my hotel room.  He's just broken the news to me that he's not leaving Jenny, and I feel like the all the air has just been sucked from my lungs. 

"I said I was thinking about it! There's a difference Ever!" He argues back, "But I can't, not now. It's not the right time". 

"So when will there be!" 

He shakes his head. "Ever...I'm not leaving her. I can't leave her, there's things that we've needed to work out together. I can't walk away". 

"I can't believe you right now, I just can't!" I scream, not caring if everyone in the hotel can hear us 

"You said yourself you were feeling guilty! Well so have I!" 

I look at him. "Well then I'm gonna make this easier for you - I'm done. If you won't walk away from Jenny then I'm walking away from you". 

"Ever..." He sighs. 

"No, that's it. I'm out Chris - I'm not going to carry this on knowing you'll never walk. It's not fair on either of us" I say and storm out of the room, back to my own and began to angrily throw all my shit into my backpack. We wrapped yesterday on set and now it seems I've wrapped on our affair. 

I feel the tears prick the back of my eyes as I continue to pack up my stuff and then hear Amy come into the room. "Ever? You ok?" 

I blink away the tears and nod. "Yup, just a little emotional now that filming's wrapped. It's been great" I say and now put on the best act of my life. 

No one can know, even if I've just argued with Chris and potentially ruined that. I suppose I should be beyond caring however. "First big project,  it's a little overwhelming" I cry. 

"And you did fantastic, you're gonna be brilliant - that why you're crying as well? Do you have doubts?" 

Only doubts that I'll never get over this. 

I won't. I know that much. 

I just nod and continue to lie through my teeth to Amy as she tries to reassure me that this won't flop. "I'll be fine tomorrow" I say in the hopes that she'll leave me alone. 

She does, and I finish the last bits of grabbing things and zipping up my backpack. "Ready to go?" Amy finally asks and I shrug the bag onto my shoulder, security accompanying me down to the lobby and out to the waiting car. I sign a few autographs before I go but Amy hurries me along, telling me we have a plane to catch. 

I don't see Chris. 

As the car pulls away I glance out the window. I'm leaving him behind and now I feel the pain sear through me. 

It hurts. 

He understood me, just as I did with him. Even the urge to look back at him as I left the room was a great one, and yet I never did. 

Why didn't I? 

Was it for fear of not really being able to leave if I looked at him once more? Or was it because I just didn't want to see the look of hurt on his face. 

Is it even possible to fall in love with someone in the amount of time that we've been together? Because I'm sure that this is what it is. 

Love. 

I love him and now I have to be the one to leave him. 

You're doing what you think is right Ever. You can't expect him to leave a relationship for you when you've only known one another for a couple of months. Just be thankful he noticed you - because that still counts for something. My mind and my heart tell me. It is the right thing to do no matter how much I don't wan't to admit it. 

I'll take the pain and the tears, but will he take the equal amount of that too? Is he going to hurt just as bad as I am? 

I never even got to say goodbye properly...

And that is my only regret...