The Nearness Of You

30

Jinnie

It's been months since I've been doing this, watching Seungri from afar, not being able to go anywhere near him. I could, but decided not to. There's no point anyway. He no longer remembers me.

I stood there under the old oak tree in front of the hospital. From there I saw him, walking out of Asian Hospital and Medical Center probably going home and getting into his car. Seungri's been back to work for almost a week now, and even though it's still a bit difficult for him to walk with his left leg that had gotten injured he still tries, and it made me smile. I know he can endure anything.

Sadness fills my heart all of a sudden. Back then when the two of us were together I was so overwhelmed on how he could go against all odds just to be with me, for our love to go on and nourish. But now it's gone and the pain is insurmountable. I decided to leave before the tears would even start to fall from my eyes and started walking home.

These emotions I feel now are magnified and overwhelming. Eversince I accepted my fate it has always been like this. I feel so much and I couldn't control it. But even though it's been like this I'm still thankful. At least now I know how it feels to be human.

And all of a sudden I remember..

I stood in front of the council of archangels, oblivious of my fate but I am not afraid. Whatever happens to me it's because of my own doing, and I don't regret any of it. Loving Seungri was the most beautiful thing that ever happened to me, the only thing that made me feel more alive, more driven. My only regret is that, I didn't had the chance to even say goodbye. Leaving him without even telling him is the only thing that's painful. That is something I could never forgive myself for.

As if in a courtroom, I'm now in the middle of a huge room with marbled floors and all eyes are on me. On my left there's the council, and on my right some of my kind, the Grigoris, seated on tiered seats. I scan for Yeshiel's face but I don't see him. I took a deep breath. I suddenly feel alone.

"Eshriel." The sound of Michael's voice, leader of the archangels, echoed in the entire room. I look at him, unwavering. "You have committed a forbidden act that is against our laws. One that is unacceptable and punishable." I bent my head down, conscious towards the stares of all the angels surrounding me. "You are aware of this, are you, Eshriel?"

"Yes, I am."

"And you accept the fate the council will cast upon you?"

"Yes, I do."

Murmurs filled the air and I clench my fists.

"Silence!" Gabriel's voice thundered in the room. He stares at me. "You will now face retribution."

"Wait!"

I turn my head to the owner of the voice. It was Raziel, the archangel who works so closely with God. Following him behind is Zadkiel, archangel of invocation. The two of them have just arrived. Raziel stood in front of me while Zadkiel stood by my side. Zadkiel smiles at me and nodded his head. I wonder what was happening.

"What is the meaning of this, Raziel?" Michael asks him.

"I have direct orders from God himself, the Grigori standing in front of you will not be condemned." Raziel answered him firmly.

Rafael stood from his seat. "Nonsense!"

"Rafael, brother, it is He who decided this. We have no power over Him." Zadkiel tells him.

"This is impossible!" Rafael bellowed. "What are the rules for if we're going to bend them?!"

"We're not going to bend the rules." Raziel told all the angels surrounding us. "Eshriel will still be punished, but she's not going to be sent to the depths of hell."

"What she did was an act of love. A pure act of love. We are brothers and sisters, we should learn to understand and forgive one another. And it is only Him that can decide whatever happens to each and everyone of us." Zadkiel places an assuring hand over my shoulder.

"What then, Raziel?" Michael asks with furrowed eyebrows. I saw Rafael grit his teeth.

"Eshriel will be stripped off from her powers for good. She will no longer be one of us. She will be a mortal. She will be human." Raziel tells everyone.

Murmurs and gasps filled the room. My eyes widened in disbelief.

"This can't be true!" Rafael disapproved.

"Orders are orders, Rafael." Raziel answered him firmly and with finality. He then turns to me, "From now on you're no longer a Grigori but a human. Treasure every moment of your life while it lasts."

Treasure every moment of your life while it lasts.. Raziel's words echoed in my ears. I wanted to smile but I can't. What's happening right now, this isn't what I had in mind. If only Seungri's memories would come back..

I bit my lip and shook off the thought. I'm beginning to feel extremely doleful again and it hurts. Everytime I feel this kind of feeling it's like my heart is being juiced into a pulp. I'm trying my best to be strong. Seungri.. He will never remember me again..

I'm only a block away from my apartment when I bumped into someone. I raise my head and went surprised. The one in front of me looked surprised as well.

"Jinn unnie.."

"Yukii.."

Tears welled up in Yukii's eyes and she hugs me immediately. "Unnie.. I've missed you.. Where were you this whole time.."

I lift my arms and returned her hug. I close my eyes and feel the warmth of her embrace. Somehow I feel happy seeing a friend.

"It's been a long time, Yukii.. I've missed you too.."

Yukii hugs me a bit longer before letting go and wiped her tears. "Unnie, where have you been? I.. I haven't seen you in months.. How have you been.."

I reach for her arm. "I'm doing good, Yukii." I smile at her. "And you?"

Yukii stares at me for a second. "I'm fine, unnie.."

I nod my head. "That's good.." I smile. "A-And, Seungri? How.. How is he?"

Yukii bit her lip and looked away. "H-He's fine.. He and Brianne.."

I held her hand. "They've gotten back together. I know."

Yukii turns to me again, her face sorry. "Unnie, oppa doesn't remember anything.."

"I know, Yukii.. I know.. And it's fine.. He looks happy now.." I tell her.

"Come with me, unnie. Let's go to oppa. Maybe if he'll see you he'll remember!" Yukii grips my hand tightly.

"No, Yukii.. It wouldn't be right--"

"Unnie, please!" Tears streamed on her cheeks once again. "Oppa doesn't love her! It is you who he loves! He just doesn't remember!"

I took a deep breath and held back my tears. This conversation is hurtful. I have to end this.

"I'm sorry, Yukii. I have to go." I pulled my hand from her hold and touched her cheek. "See you again my dear, Yukii." I kiss her cheek and started walking away. I hear her call me but I didn't look back. I walk faster, away from her. That's when I let the tears fall.