The Nearness Of You

9

December 24, 1956

I never knew what it feels like to love. Never knew what it feels like to feel pain, to grieve, or to take pity. Our kind only knew about being just, fair, and brave. The only form of love for us is to protect the human race. Our purpose is to only watch as human beings live their lives on it's fullest extent, keeping them away from harm, and making sure they would have a peaceful death. We were not sent here to alter their fate. But after hundreds of years being here on earth, I realize that living with humans could somehow change us. It definitely changed me. I learned how love can be expressed in many kind of ways and merely not just by protecting them. I learned how it feels to care and feel pain. I learned how to take pity and grieve. Those are some of the emotions our kind has never been taught of, emotions that we're not allowed to have. Not until this fateful day.

"My sweet Dorothy.." I watch as Mrs. Duvall stroke her daughter's hair with one of her gentle hands. She was sitting beside Dorothy's bed, her other hand holding her daughter's. It was Christmas Eve, but instead of a joyous feast and some merry-making, melancholy filled the four walls of the house.

Mrs. Duvall is weeping silently as she keeps on stroking Dorothy's light brown hair. She eyed her youngest daughter who looks peaceful as she sleeps. I can hear her thoughts, feel her emotions. It was heart breaking even for me.

"Mrs. Duvall." I call her attention as I stand at the doorway of her daughter's room.

Mrs. Duvall slowly turns her head towards me not minding to wipe the tears that keeps on streaming on her cheeks. She nods and beckons for me to come closer. "What is it, Helena?"

"Jon and Brandon are already asleep, Madame." I tell her and Mrs. Duvall just nodded. "Is there anything I can do for you, Madame?" I ask her.

"None as for the moment, Helena. You can have some rest now. I'll stay here for the night. I need to be here for Dorothy. I need to be here before she.." Mrs. Duvall didn't finish whatever it is she was about to say and broke down into sobs. I bit down my lip. I want to hug her so badly but I have to stay still. I have to be firm. I can't be weak. But then I feel her emotions and it's breaking me. And the moment I laid my eyes on Dorothy, the tears that have been threatening to fall from my eyes made their way to my cheeks.

I've stayed with the Duvall's for three years. Julienne Duvall hired me after her husband Francis died because of an illness. I became their nurse maid and helped her with household chores and in nursing her kids. Jon was the eldest, aged nine followed by Brandon, aged six. Dorothy was the youngest, aged four. She was the sweetest one among the three children. She was lively and healthy and smart. Not until last year, when an unexpected illness hit her. Dorothy was found out to have a terminal case of a hemolytic disorder. It broke Julienne Duvall into pieces. It nearly broke me as well.

At a young age, Dorothy was observed to be a fighter. She's the kind of kid that, in a very young age, was strong and optimistic. As her condition worsened her once healthy body slowly deteriorated. For several months she became confined to bed, but the worst part is, the family's attending physician told us she only have until December to live.

I already knew that. I already knew the moment I saw Dorothy that she'll die at an early age. And the more I take good care of her, the more I get close to her, had made me love her so much I got so attached. One thing I didn't expect to happen but it did. It was the very first time I finally knew what love meant. Dorothy showed me that, my little angel.

"Madame.." I place a hand on Mrs. Duvall's shoulder. "I'll stay here with you." Mrs. Duvall reached for my hand on top of her shoulder and held it tight. After a few moments Dorothy's breathing became labored and Mrs. Duvall went hysterical. Her daughter's death is already imminent, I can sense it.

"Dorothy, sweetie, please don't leave mommy.. I couldn't bear to lose you.. Mommy wouldn't take it very well.. Please, Dorothy.. Don't leave mommy.. I.. I love you.. Stay with me.."

My heart was crushed as I saw how Mrs. Duvall  cradle her daughter's head on her lap crying and talking to her all at the same time. I couldn't bear the sight of them. I pity this woman and I love her child. I find it in myself that I'm torn with different emotions. And then I realized that I am grieving too.

What I did next was unexpected. I know that it'll be an act of defiance, but my heart tells me I should do something. I don't want to see Julienne be at a lost and Dorothy passing away right in front of my very eyes. I held one of Dorothy's hands and did something impermissible.