The Nearness Of You

20

Seungri

I watch her as she walked towards the apartment building she's living at and waited for her to get inside before I start the car engine and took my leave. Jinnie disagreed when I told her I'll drive her home but I insisted. She's afraid something would happen to me so I told her I'd brought my car. After what happened to me facing up a daemon I told myself never to walk the streets again. I value my life most especially now that I have someone who happen to be the reason I want to keep on living.

I wanted to escort Jinnie up to her unit but she hesitated. She told me that Yesung lives with her and she'll have to talk to him first before I could step a foot inside their place. Somehow knowing that fact made me extremely jealous deep inside. Hell, he's one lucky guy. The thought of it made me scowl. If it weren't for the reason that he's Jinnie's friend I will forbid him to have any connection with her. I know he doesn't like me and Jinnie told me he's just being protective of her but I'm a man, and I know when a man is being territorial especially to the girl they like. I grip the steering wheel tightly as I drive. What kind of guy would like the idea that his girlfriend lives with another man under the same roof, just the two of them, and they aren't even related? All of a sudden my expression of displeasure turns into a grin. Girlfriend. I guess I can call her that now can I? But what's going on between Jinnie and I, it's still vague. I still remember her telling me they're forbidden to fall in love with humans. It will definitely cost her life. I don't want her to end up being a Fallen or a daemon which is worst. It's consoling that atleast I know she agreed to let me take care of her and be with her and that's fine enough with me. It's better if she'll leave rather than be damned because of this forbidden affection we share that is incessant and uncontrollable. I'll just savour each moment I have with her and not think of anything else. Although I still have to prepare myself for the time that she has to leave, because I know if that fateful day comes I'll get immensely hurt.

I thought of Yesung again. For unknown reasons his damn his face keeps on showing up in my head. Just then a painful fact clobbered me. He'll forever be with Jinnie because they're the same. I may have her now for myself but as soon as they'll get back to what they really were it's going to be Yesung who could stay with her eternally. That just made me severely envious and jealous of that guy. But what can I do? I can't just push him out of the picture.

Then it hit me. It's not impossible that Yesung likes her too. Yesung has been with her for a long time and he hasn't been involved with a girl. Well, atleast that's what I think. But how come he hasn't liked or loved someone the fact that he dwelled long enough here on earth? Jinnie and some of their kind did, why hasn't he? Doesn't mortal women interest him? Or is it his kind he's only fond of? I swallowed hard. This could be a bit of a problem. What if Yesung really likes her? The question made me rancorous. Both of them have known and been with each other for a very long time and I'm scared of the thought that if, in some instance she were made to choose between Yesung and I, she might choose him over me. I shake my head vigorously. No. I have to restrain myself in entertaining such thoughts. I trust her. Period. I can see it in her eyes that it's me she longs for. But how do I deal with Yesung? I think deeply, and in a matter of seconds an idea pops up in my head. Maybe I could try to befriend Yesung. And maybe, just maybe, the both of us will go along nicely. In that way I can tell myself I made a fair, clean fight. And maybe he would let me be. Well, I could only hope.

I sigh. Slowly it sinks in. Jinnie is an angel, so as Yesung. Somehow I feel inferior. I'm just a human and I'm nothing compared to them, I'm nothing compared to him, Yesung. And I didn't even believe their kind could walk the earth.

Ah.. But she's into you and not him. My thoughts tells me trying to boost my ego and I nod my head in agreement. That's my only advantage. The feeling between Jinnie and I is mutual I can tell. That, I can make clear to Yesung. He can no longer push me away from the girl that I love. He will have to endure my presence everytime he sees me with her. End of story.

But then I thought, in this love affair, I am still the human. A mundane. A mortal. Compared to them there's nothing special in me. Jinnie and Yesung, they're fit for each other. Same race, same kind. I also worry about being a burden to Jinnie. In this world I may look like I'm stronger than her, but I know very well that she can overpower me. I'm afraid that Jinnie will have to take care of me and not the other way around as what I've told her. It's Yesung who can very well protect her and he's her kind. They're perfect and fit for each other. Suddenly I felt little of myself. I remember when that daemon attacked me and Jinnie's the one who saved me. It's such a shame on my part. I lack in vigor and I'm feeble. She shouldn't always be the one who does the saving. I couldn't kill a daemon. I couldn't protect her. I just love her, that's all that I can do.

It's not your fault you loved an immortal.. My thoughts tells me. True. It just happened. I never asked for any of this but Jinnie came around and I instantly adored her. I love her. Angel or not. I loved her the first time I met her as a human, and I love her still even if I already found out that she's not. And it's such a bizaare thing, to fall in love with a spiritual being who has such extraordinary beauty and admirable traits. Love has proven itself to have no boundaries.

And love, once it gets a hold of you, you really can't escape from its grip.