The Nearness Of You

16

Yesung

I arrived ten minutes earlier at Jinnie's workplace. There's nothing left to do at work today. I've finished all the paperworks and my presentation for tomorrow's meeting so I decided to leave early from work to pick up Jinnie and thought of having dinner with her at one of her favorite restaurants.

I turn off the car engine and got off the car whistling as I walk towards the studio's door and knock. I waited for a few seconds but it didn't open. I look at my watch with wrinkled eyebrows. It's still early and supposedly she still has a session right now with her last student for the day. I knock again, a bit impatient this time. I don't know but my gut tells me something's definitely not right here. Still no answer. I bit my lip and lean a little closer on the door, not a single sound can be heard from inside.

"Strange.." I mumble. I knock again, a little louder. "Jinn. Jinnie. Open up. It's me, Yesung." I knocked some more. "Jinn. You there?" Still no answer. I took out my cellphone from my pants pocket and punched her number. I loosen up my tie and massage the back of my neck as I wait for her to pick up. She didn't answer and I try again. I pace back and forth as I wait for an answer. It's not until I hear the faint sound of her cellphone's ringtone coming from inside the studio. She left her phone.. I thought to myself.

Jinnie usually waits for me and it's very clear to her that I'll drop her off to work and pick her up everyday. This is unusual. I don't want to think that she's gone off somewhere so I tried calling our phone in the apartment. I've tried but it's the answering machine that answered. I harshly pressed the end call button of my cellphone and I almost threw it out of frustration. She's not here and she's not at home, where could she possibly be?

My heart then started to beat uncontrollably. I don't want to entertain the thought but I can only think of one reason why she'd gone and didn't even bother to inform me. I almost cussed but I held myself. I quickly went inside the car and started the engine and drove off. I couldn't think clearly, couldn't think straight. Where can I find her? The city's too big. Where had she gone? I couldn't feel her presence.

I slammed my fists on the car's steering wheel and made a sharp turn towards another street. I drove slowly while my eyes scanned every corner, every alley, every building, store, and other people's faces but all in vain. This is a hopeless case.

"Why are you doing this, Jinn? Why are you always making me worry?" I muttered.

Are you just worried about her? Or you're just jealous because of the possibility that she's with that other guy? The one that she's obviously in love with.. My thoughts tells me. I step on the brakes and grip the steering wheel before resting my forehead on top of it and felt tears welling up in my eyes.

Yes, I'm jealous. I'm jealous the first time I saw the two of them talked. I'm jealous on how she always think of him, on how she looks at him with her eyes that showed deep affection. I'm jealous everytime I see her torn and broken because she had to stay away from him even if it's against her will. I'm jealous because I can see in her that she could give up everything because of him. Even if it would be her own life.

I cry hard as these facts came flooding inside my mind and feel my heart extremely aching because of it. I've been with her long enough but I never became as important as him to her. I stayed with her, let myself be punished as well eventhough I did not commit any mistakes because I want to be with her and make sure she's safe but she's willing to threw it all away because of him. Does she even acknowledge all that I've done for her? Appreciate it even?

Hate fills my heart as I picture that man's face inside my head. It's because of him why all of this is happening. Why I'm hurt and why Jinnie had changed. Why the only being I hold dear, the only being I sacrificed a lot for, the only being I offer my life with, was now slowly drifting away from me. I thought everything was going along fine, not until that man came around.

I laugh as I digest everything I just thought of. I am so pathetic. Here I am sulking, hating, and hurting. When most of the time I am the one reminding her that these feelings are forbidden. I've been a hypocrite. No. I am a hypocrite because I couldn't admit it to myself.

I coulnd't admit that I love her. I love Jinn. I've loved her eversince. But she loves someone else. And it hurts.

(Aww.. Poor Yesungie.. I feel bad for him.. :'( This will be my last update for now 'cuz I have work tomorrow. Anyways, 'til the next update! Tell me what you guys think and please do VOTE. :) Thankey!)