The Nearness Of You

34

Jinnie

I sit on the couch and stare into space. Awhile ago I accidentally bumped into Seungri on my way home from the convenience store. Out of all the people here in this city why does it have to be him? I wanted to hug him and kiss him. I want to stare at his face and touch it. Seeing him brought back all the beautiful memories we had but it's painful. It's painful because he doesn't remember all of it, and most of all, he doesn't remember me. What we had was wonderful, something I thought would last for a lifetime. But now, it's nothing but a memory. I close my eyes and bury my face into my palms then I started crying. I almost cried when we looked into each other's eyes. There's no recognition from him. I'm just a random girl who accidentally bumped him, nothing more, nothing less. If he only knew..

I let myself cry for some time just to ease the pain. When I became a little numb I stood up and continue with packing my stuff like a robot. I took a shower, soaked myself in the cold water for awhile and got dressed. I bit my lip and took one last glance of the apartment's interior. So this is goodbye..

With heavy steps I reach the door and went out, and as I close the door behind me I hear Mr. Darwin call my name. He's standing in front of his door and it looks as if he'd been waiting for me to go out.

"Leaving already?" He asks me and glanced at his watch. "It's still a bit early."

"Better early than late." I answer him smilingly.

Mr. Darwin walks up to me and took my hand. He placed something in my palm and closed it into a fist. "This will protect you on your journey. Take care of yourself out there, Jinnie." He tells me with a half smile; eyes showing utmost sincerity.

I hug him tight. This sweet old man. He'd been good to me and I will miss him. He's one of the things I'll surely miss. "Take care of yourself too, Mr. Darwin. We'll see each other again." He taps me on my back and I pulled myself away. I wave at him goodbye and never looked back. It's going to be hard for me to leave if I let myself look back to every place and every person that I've learned to love; like holding on to the memories ain't enough. As soon as I'm out of the building I immediately called for a cab. I have to leave this place or else, I won't be able to.

I opened my hand to see a small rosary. It was like a ring, with small white beads and a little cross. I smile at the sight of Mr. Darwin's token for me. I hold it for awhile before placing it on one of the pockets of my satchel.

I arrived at the train station a bit early but it's fine with me. Time flies so fast and I could just wait for my train while I sit on one of the benches here. I sighted an empty bench not far from where I stand, walked towards it, and took a seat. Then it dawned upon me, this will be the last time I'll be seeing this place. I'm really leaving.

I am staring at the palm of my hands on top of my lap when I felt someone sit beside me. I do not have any intention to look at whoever it is not until I hear that person speak.

"I see you're leaving."

That made me look up and stare at the person sitting beside me and smile as I saw that person's face.

"Cassiel.."

Sitting beside me is Cassiel who wears a blue dress. She disguised herself to look like a normal human. Archangels and Grigoris do this whenever they mingle with humans so that they wouldn't get noticed. But of course, I'm not like any other human. I was once an angel and I know her. By just looking at her eyes I already know who she is.

Cassiel reaches for my hand and took hold of it. "Are you sure about this, Eshriel?" I nod my head in response. Cassiel pressed her lips. "Where are you headed?"

"Somewhere South.. To be honest I still don't have any idea where exactly. I just.. I just need to leave." I tell her softly.

I feel her squeeze my hand tightly. "Then take care of yourself out there, Eshriel. I pray for our heavenly father to guide and protect you always."

"Thanks, Cassiel."

"How is it like, Eshriel?" Cassiel asks all of a sudden looking curious. "How is it like being a human?"

I look at her and smile slowly. "It makes you feel free." I answer her. "It makes you feel alive."

Cassiel looks at me thoughtfully and a small smile forms in her lips. "I wish you well in this life, Eshriel." She tells me. Afterwards she stares at me like she wants to tell me something and I can see guilt in her eyes.

"Is there something you want to tell me, Cassiel?" I ask her.

Cassiel looks away but turns her attention back at me again and returned my gaze. "Seungri. He doesn't remember you am I right? That's why you're leaving."

"How.." Of course. Of course Cassiel knows. They know everything. Now it's my turn to look away. "Yes. It is. There's no reason for me to stay here. I can no longer stay here." Even if this place gave me a lot of good memories..

"Eshriel, I think you should know." I hear Cassiel speak. "It was Rafael's doing why Seungri no longer remembers you."

Hearing that made me turn my head sharply towards her. "What? What do you mean?" I ask her with creased eyebrows; eyes looking intent.

"Remember the accident that happened to Seungri? Remember when he said that the memories of the people who saw the incident should be erased? Well, it happened. But unlike the others, what he did to Seungri was different."

"What are you saying?" I feel my heart starting to beat fast.

"The memories of the people were modified to forget that specific incident only. But regarding Seungri's memories, Rafael tampered most of his. He erased Seungri's memories of you. That's why he can remember everything now except you."

All of a sudden it's difficult for me to breathe. I clench my fists and grit my teeth. Rafael. It's his fault. All of this was his fault.

"How can he do this.." I shook my head in anger, frustration, and disbelief. Rafael had won.

"I'm sorry for what happened, Eshriel. I can't do anything.." Cassiel's soft voice was trying to calm me but I'm on full rage.

"Rafael finally got what he wanted. He took him away from me. He took everything from me." I said with gritted teeth. Right now I feel nothing but pure hatred towards him. "I will never forgive him."

"Eshriel, don't say such things." Cassiel holds my hand again. "Don't let anger and hate consume you." I look at her and saw worry in her eyes. I soften up a bit. "What's done is done. You still have a life ahead of you. Make use of it and live in peace. Enjoy life without hatred in your heart. Please, Eshriel. I beg you."

I swallow hard. Cassiel always looks out for me. "O-Okay, Cassiel. But I cannot promise that I will forget what happened." I tell her. "I won't forget. I won't forget that Rafael took away the one good thing that ever happened to me."

Cassiel took a deep breath and stares at me for awhile, afterwards she nodded her head. "I understand."

I looked away from her. I feel like crying but I held myself. All this hate I feel for Rafael is useless. He'd done it. He finally did. And eventhough I know about it now there's no point in coming back. Rafael had won. It's over for me and Seungri now.