The Nearness Of You

14

Jinnie

Yesung breaks the silence all of a sudden. "You did the right thing, Jinn." I turn to look at him with an indifferent expression on my face. The moment we stepped inside the car we didn't speak with each other up until now that we're half way home. My mind was preoccupied with Seungri and with what I just did to him even if I didn't want to and it breaks my heart into pieces. My heart. It's happening again. I am loving. Again. And this is forbidden.

"Did I?" I ask Yesung bitterly and I clench my fists. Tears threatened to fall from my eyes.

Yesung sighed. "We've already talked about this, Jinn. It's the right thing to do." He sounded a bit irritated. "He's gone now and you should forget him."

"And you think that's easy?" I scoffed. "He knows where I work. It's not impossible that I would see him again. What shall I do then? What if he speaks to me again? What if--"

"I already arranged it."

My eyebrows creased to what he'd just said. "Arranged what?"

"You'll no longer work at Central. Tonight's your last night of performing there. I talked to the manage--"

"What?!" I blurted out feeling hateful towards Yesung. "Why would you do that?! How dare you do that?! You're mad!" I scream at him. Yesung clenched his jaw and stepped on the brakes harshly before turning to me.

"Tell me, Jinn. Tell me one good reason why you shouldn't leave that place?" Yesung asks me in a serious tone of voice. I can see in him that he's controlling his temper.

"That's the only job I have, Yesung! We're living as mundanes! And I need it to make a living!" I shout at him. "You didn't even tell me that you're going to do this!"

"If I did would you even agree?!" Yesung shouts back.

"Even so!" I answer him with rage. "I have a right to know about what's bound to happen and also to decide for myself!" I bit my lip. "I didn't even had the chance to properly say goodbye to the crowd, the regulars.. and to my friends.." I breathed heavily. "I hate you!"

Yesung grabs my hand. "Listen to yourself! The things you said aren't the main reason why you're so angry at me for doing what I've done! It's because of him! You don't want to be separated from him! You still want to see him! You want him, Jinn! That's the truth!"

A single tear fell on my left cheek and I couldn't speak. Yesung was right.

"See?" Yesung scoffs. "Tears." He shook his head, dismayed. "The last time I saw you shed tears was when you helped that young girl that was supposed to die because you love her and it had hurt you, thinking that she'll soon leave this world and you don't want to because you love her!"

I went speechless. Yesung had found me guilty. Another crime of loving a mundane which I wasn't supposed to do.

"Jinn.. Please stop this madness.. I don't want anything bad to happen to you.. I only want what's best for you.. I only want to protect you.." Yesung tells me pleadingly. He went soft now and looks at me emotionally.

"You should know, Yesung, that it's not that easy. But I'll try." I tell him. "God help me I will try." I pull my hand from his grasp and turn my head towards the car window and had my gaze outside. I let the tears fall down my cheeks and stopped talking. Drive. I want to go home. I tell him without looking at his direction. I hear Yesung sigh heavily and started the car. I close my eyes and pretended that everything is fine, even if my heart tells me it wasn't.

~~~

It's been three weeks since the last time Seungri and I faced each other. I am now working as a music tutor to several kids. Yesung found a small studio not far from our apartment and suggested the idea for me to teach kids sing or play musical instruments. The first week I already had three kids, and now they're six. My new work isn't that bad even. After all, it's still in line with what I love to do. Only now I have to deal with the young ones instead of an adult audience but, it will suffice.

Yesung had been too guarding since I started this new job. He drops me off and picks me up day by day and always checks up on me if he has free time from his work. I know he'd been doing that because he really wanted to make sure that I will not do anything like sneaking up and seeing Seungri which, I didn't. But if I have a chance and Yesung's not around to watch over me I sometimes go to the hospital where Seungri's working and wait for an opportunity that I would see him. Which I did, a couple of times. I always hide myself behind an old oak tree across the street of the hospital and only watch him from afar but I never did approach. And right now, since my last student couldn't make it for his session today I decided to have a walk and find my feet taking me again to my hiding place infront of the hospital where he is working. I wait patiently hoping that I might see him again. An hour had passed but still no sight of him. The sun would set soon and I have to get home before Yesung. I told myself that, if, after another thirty minutes passed and I still don't see him I'll head home. It was after fifteen minutes that I did.

There he was, walking out of the hospital, looking tired and burned out. But apart from that, he seemed okay. He looks like he had gained weight and the dark circles in his eyes have gone. He looks well unlike the past weeks where it's obvious that he suffered a lot due to what happened between the two of us and I very much blamed myself because of it. Now it's a relief that he's doing fine. He's doing fine and probably had forgotten all about me. I held my chest and felt like my heart was pricked by a thousand needles. The thought of him moving on and forgetting all about me is hurtful to my feelings.

"He's quite a sight isn't he? That mortal."

I was surprised when I heard someone spoke behind my back I almost jumped. I quickly snapped my head towards the direction where the voice came from and what I saw nearly made me petrified. There, standing three steps away from me, was Rafael.

Rafael walks slowly towards me. "I see you really can't get enough of that man, hmm? Jinn?"

My whole body went awfully stiff. My mind was telling me I should make an excuse but I just couldn't move. Rafael.. He knew.

"R-Rafael.. I-It's not what you think--"

Rafael laughs theatrically. "You don't know what I think, Jinn. But you should know that I can see everything.."

I gulped. Of course I know that.

"It's just a couple of months left. I hope there wouldn't be any problem, hmm?" Rafael eyed me suspiciously and with a smirk. "I wish to see you soon, and fit again for service. Jolly good." He winks at me.

I nod my head. "Y-Yes."

Rafael nods his head as well. "Good, good. I don't want for us to have problems you know? You are aware of what I am capable of doing. What I am ordered to do once you break your solemn oath." Rafael's tone was a bit threatening and it made me slightly shiver.

"Yes, Rafael. I know." I managed to not stutter as I answer this time and stood straight. I shouldn't let him see me scared of him. It will only confirm his suspicion, well, if there's any, that I'm doing something wrong.

"Very well. Goodbye, Jinnie. See you soon." Rafael made an exagerrated bow before disappearing in front of me along with the wind. Relief washed over my face and I had an arm hold the tree trunk for support as I feel my knees slightly wobble all because of fear. It's really hopeless. I couldn't go against all odds and it's depressing. I feel weak. I guess I am always weak.

My attention went back towards Seungri who's talking with his friends and I watch them as they said their goodbyes and go separate ways. But as he took a step to leave an image of a black shadow with a distorted shape didn't escape my eyes. It started to follow him. And as if it felt I was watching it turned to my direction and snarled at me, eyes red and sharp teeth. Of course I am the only one who can see it. And I know very well what it wants. To cause Seungri harm.

My heart pumped uncontrollably and I left my hiding place in a haste. I have to follow him and make sure that he'll be home safe. That creature still wouldn't stand a chance from me. Even if I'm not that strong enough right now because of this mundane body I know I still can defeat it. And I have to protect Seungri. If I can't be with him then protecting him is the least that I can do.