Streetlife

84 - You Don't Understand!

TESS POV

I puff my smoke as I stand at the same spot as I do most nights, and tonight I'm waiting on Harry for he was supposed to come and pick me up around 11 as he had called and left a message on our answering machine just this morning. Of course, I enjoyed being with him, but I hadn't since I became clean, and honestly? Even though he told me that he wouldn't be bringing any drugs, I wonder how the hell I am going to manage to enjoy it like I had in the past.

As a matter of fact, I hadn't really been enjoying my job at all these days, and as each shift came and went, I was finding it more difficult to even show up even if I was pulling in what I was supposed to and then some. Being clean was a real bitch, and I refused to go backwards. I just couldn't, and I had not only promised Lena and Callie that I would stay clean but also, I had promised Stef, if not for my sake but for Fannie's.

But when I think of Stef these days, my stomach hurts because something transpired between us a couple of weeks ago, and I'm not sure that we can ever go back, especially since that night at her apartment after Lena had managed to kick her out and Callie, Luciella and I had all left to stay at her place. That night I had been as sober and clear minded as all get out, and I have replayed that night over and over again in my head to the point, I was finding it difficult to function some days wishing that that could happen every single day.

But I knew that she and Callie had this deal where she was carefree and could do whatever the hell she wanted to do...something that I know in my heart of hearts wouldn't fly with me, for my mind wasn't rigged like that at all. Not only that, I had recently figured out that Stef was sleeping with Warbucks, and that was something that just wasn't setting well with me at all.

How can I lose another friend to him? He used to have eyes only for Lena, and I love Lena with all of my heart. Yet, things have shifted between us. But did Callie really know and understand that Stef was messing with OUR boss? The man who was probably one of the sleaziest pimps on the street, yet even if Stef can't see it now, would she ever?

And not only that, I saw and HEARD the song Callie was writing for Stef...heard it with my own ears, and even if the girl was easy-going, I could clearly see that she was falling in love with Stef Foster...she was falling and hard and I didn't feel that she deserved that from Stef...the part of her that slept around and told every Tom, Dick and Harry that they were special and that they were sexy...NO! So, why did Callie put up with it? WHY?

I throw my smoke down now as I see Harry pull up to the curb as I straighten my feather around my shoulders and smooth my hand over my now straightened hair as I saunter up to the window which he puts down.

"Hey, Star! Your hair is different! I like it!" He smiles at me as I feel my stomach turn but I smile softly at him.

"I did, and thank you. Are you ready, baby?" I open the car door and slide in the passenger seat as he clears his throat and holds out a stack of money as I look at him confused.

"I wanted to see you tonight because I wanted to thank you for getting clean, and...I feel badly for feeding your habit all this time."

I don't take the money as I look at him, confused, as he hasn't driven away yet. "Didn't you call for us to meet up tonight? We...we haven't done anything yet, and..."

"Please take it, Star. I really want you to. I know you're struggling to stay clean. Being clean is a bitch, and well, I do care about you. But I'm clean now too, and well, I'm afraid if I bring you back to our spot we'll both stumble. And last time you had your friend with you, and I don't wanna do that to you, Star. I just don't." He gently places the money in my hands as I blink back tears.

"But I can't take this, Harry. What are you payin' for? Want me to suck you off?"

He shakes his head as he brushes the side of my face with his thumb. "Not this time. There's enough there so you can take the night off or keep the extra. I know how much you have to make and stuff. But maybe when more time passes we can fuck again, baby."