Solitude || Evan Buckley [1]

chapter twenty five

holding out for reconciliation

Taking on the reins of parenthood wouldn't be without your baby screaming their lungs out in the middle of the night. Sasha has been on the brink of exhaustion these last few nights taking care of Monet on her own. She inhaled deeply before slipping out of bed to travel towards the bassinet. It must've been a hungry cry to Sasha's indication as Monet still needed to be fed at least once or twice throughout the night.

When it came to nursing, Sasha struggled especially the past few nights. At one point she almost broke down due to Monet's reluctance to latch.

"I know, let's get you fed." Sasha yawned, scooping the baby into her arms.

The tiresome mother reported back to bed leaning against the headboard and unbutton her pajama shirt, unveiling her breast. Once again, Monet continued to fuss rather than latching onto her mother, much to her dismay. Minutes soon surpassed with ongoing failed attempts to breastfeed. This caused the wailing to become excessive, leaving Sasha feeling on edge as tears began to sting in her eyes.

Frustrated and beaten by exhaustion, a breakdown ensued whereas the mother's sobs entangled with the baby in the bedroom. 

Soon enough, the sound of their cries merely Monet's reached to Buck's bedroom awakening him. He caught his girlfriend in distress in the dark room. When he joined them on the bed, Sasha's lips wobbled, "Sh-She won't latch on. I don't know why." She sniffled. "Our daughter hates me."

Buck let out a sigh, placing a hand on her back to soothe her. "She doesn't hate you." He said softly. "She's just having trouble even though you're doing your best to help her."

As he reassured his girlfriend through this difficult time. He reminded the tips they've read and received from the books and nurse about breastfeeding. Usually, he would be willing to take over yet knew that'll damper her emotional state even more. 

The moment Sasha laid back against his chest, the instant feeling of comfort calmed her down. Buck's support and patience during the rough nights, specifically, tonight couldn't have Sasha feel more grateful for him.  

She gasped in relief when Monet finally started feeding onto her breast. Loose tears fell upon her cheeks seeing the baby now content. "Victory at last." Buck whispered, earning a faint laugh from her.

They sat in silence for the duration of the feeding. Sasha's heart fluttered by Buck's hand gliding down her arms known to be his way of comforting her. She let out an airy breath due to being in his embrace. The emptiness of the bed over these last few days left her lonely. She yearned for the warmth of his body in bed rather than the coldness. Let alone situated in such an intimate moment. However, she didn't disregard the hurt of his lack of trust with her after everything.

"I'm sorry." His raspy voice caused her to perk up but eyes still intact with their daughter. "I-I shouldn't have left you in the dark about the lawsuit. Or meant to put you in a weird position with your family because of it. It was selfish to move forward and not discuss it with you since you've done so much to help while raising a newborn. You deserved better than that."