Ask & Dare the Chipmunks and Chipettes Podcast!

Episode 9: Eat the food you hate

Theodore: *adjusts camera and lights* Hit it, Britt!

Brittany: *sings* Chipmunk Podcast! We're having a blast! Give us your comments. We'll answer them fast!

Simon: Hello, and welcome back to our Chipmunk Podcast, where you guys comment down all the questions and dates you have for us! Jeanette, cue the question slash dare!

Jeanette: Um... are you sure you want to know what it says?

Simon: Of course! Why wouldn't I be?

Jeanette: *sigh* Aaaalright then. Well, guys, its a dare today. For, uh, S-S-Simon...

Everyone: Oooooh...

Simon: Ooooooof course it is. Go on then, what's the dare?

Jeanette: It is once again from @Primo_Astro_JR, and the comment says: "I dare Simon to eat the food he hates the most."

Alvin: Oof! Harsh. *pats Simon on the head* You've got your work cut out for you, Si.

Simon: Aw, man! Can I see for myself?

Jeanette: Uh, if you really want to, I guess... *hands over her phone*

Alvin: *pats Simon on the head again* Better believe it, pal. Today you're living the life of a sad, sad critic.

Simon: Well, it's official that Jeanette can read.

Jeanette: Uh, thanks? And... ouch.

Alvin: *pats Simon on the head once again* Don't wor-

Simon: Gah! *jumps in frustration* Would you stop it with the head patting? It's highly disturbing for a man of dignity, like myself.

Theodore: Cheer up, Simon! At least it's about food!

Simon: I hate to break it to you, Theodore, but it's  supposed to be the food I DON'T like. So yeah.

Eleanor: Oooooh, a savage side of Simon, revealed! These dares are really bringing out the worst in everyone! I knew I liked this commenter.

Brittany: Can we get a round of applause for Simon! Let's clap for our bro, people!

Everyone: *confused, slow, scattered clapping*

Brittany: Whoop! Alright! Go, Simon! You go, Simon! Gooooo, Simon!

Alvin: You're clearly not a cheerleader, Britt. Too bad, so sad. *eye roll*

Brittany: W-well I was! At school, for the football team.

Alvin: That was a looooong time ago, amigo. When the Egyptians were around.

Brittany: Well... YOU'RE clearly not a historian. Too bad, so sad.

Alvin: What a comeback. Literally the same words I said-

Simon: Alright, let's get this over with.

At the dining table was a meal prepared for Simon to devour in front of the camera: one mustard- and ketchup-covered hotdog, with a side of greasy, skin-on fries.

Alvin: This? *laughs* THIS?! THIS is your worst food? Hotdog and chips? Oh, man, I wish this dare was for me. It would be an excuse for Dave to order me h-

Simon: Alright, everyone! Gather round. Let me explain why I have chosen this meal as my worst one.

Alvin: Please, tell me! I'm dying to know why you hate some decent grub so much.

Simon: Well, hotdogs are one of the most deadliest edible foods known to man. I bet you didn't know that!

Alvin: Nooo, I didn't know that - and for the record, I didn't WANT to know that.

Simon: The sausage meat within the hotdog is highly proocessed, which makes it incredibly unsafe to eat. Moreover, these fries STILL have the skin on, and they are drenched in so much oil. They are soooo greasy, and fatty - increasing the risk of cardiovascular disease-

Alvin: BOOOO!!! Spare me the diagnosis, doctor. Nobody wants to hear your endless facts. They just want you to eat it already!

Simon: Do you ever keep your mouth shut, I wonder?

Alvin: Nope! *grins*

Simon: I literally wasted my breath just ASKING that question. Aaaaanywho... it is clear that I do NOT desire eating processed meat, with an oily side. See where I'm coming from?

Theodore: I'll eat the hotdog if you don't want to!

Simon: Thanks, Theo. But I've got to take this one, for @Primo_Astro_JR.

Alvin: Taking one for the team, bud. *pats Simon on the head* Respect, bro.

Simon: I'm only gonna say this once, Alvin. STOP patting my head, and touching my hair! Your clammy hands are making it all greasy... oh, JUST LIKE these FRIES!

Jeanette: So, are you ready to complete your dare, Simon?

Simon: *mumbles* As ready as I am to tell Alvin the code to my lab.

Alvin: Cor, really?! I'm all ears, Si! What's the code? *whispers to Jeanette* You know the code, right? What is it?

Jeanette: Simon was being SARCASTIC about the code thing. Aaaand... I'm sorry, Alvin. But I promised Simon I wouldn't tell anyone. ESPECIALLY YOU.

Simon: Thanks, J-

Eleanor: *yells* Alright, Simon! No more small talk and beating around the bush. Just eat the dog and fries, already!

Alvin: THANK you, Eleanor. Finally, w-

Eleanor: And Alvin? Shush your mush.

Alvin: Yes, ma'am! Sorry, ma'am.

Simon holds the hotdog at arms length, like a baby with a full, smelly nappy, and observes it.

Brittany: Are you... gonna eat it, maybe? Or are you just gonna stare at it?

Simon: Are we talking about what I WANT to do, or what I HAVE to do?

Eleanor: That hotdog won't eat itself, you know. Honestly, I had no idea your dare would be THIS hard.

Theodore: Ooh! Should I-

Everyone: NO!

Theodore: You didn't even listen to what I was gonna say!

Alvin: Let me guess... would it happen to be about you eating the hotdog for Simon?

Theodore: Woah, how did you know?

Alvin: Well, Teddy Boy, I happen to be something of a mind-reader, you know.

Theodore: Woaaah... cool!

Eleanor: Don't listen to him, Theo. It was pretty obvious to guess.

Theodore: *disappointed* Oh.

Simon: *eye roll*

Alvin: Would you stop procrastinating, please?

Simon: Woah... That's a big boy word. Have you finally graduated from nursery yet?

Alvin: Spare me the insults, professor. JUST PLEASE THE DAMN HOTDOG, OR I'LL DO IT FOR YOU!

Simon: FINE! OKAY, ALRIGHT! I'LL DO IT, I'LL DO IT!

Alvin: THEN DO IT!!!

Simon shoves the entire hotdog into his mouth, and gobbles up the skin-on fries.

Alvin: There we go. Not so hard, was it?

Simon: *feeling sick* I think we've had enough fun for one day. *turns off camera*