The Light of Dead Stars | KSJ

29

It's on the way home later that evening after dinner when Jin tells you that he'll be heading to Japan for a few days.

"Work?" You turn to him, confused.

You checked your shared calendar earlier, which has actually been very helpful, and he didn't seem to have any trips coming up.

"Partly. I'll get some work done but it's more of a leisure thing" he says. "I like to do that on my own, remember?"

"Right, and just walk around and eat whatever you see. It's a relaxing thing, you said," you smile. "Golfing and fishing not doing it for you?"

"Nah, I... I just need to be away for a bit."

He hopes you don't think he's pushing you away. He doesn't want to, but after you left his office earlier, he shared the most intimidating and most silent 5 minutes of his life with Yoongi, who basically expressed his sheer disappointment with a burning look.

"I just told you not to screw it up, and what the fuck did you do?" His friend had said. "What if the lie comes back to bite you? You kept saying that you haven't been fair to Seri, and now lying about why she resigned is fair? Make it make sense, Jin. You've never been this messed up."

And it was true. Jin isn't used to this. He had one serious girlfriend who left him and he never dared to try again. The dating scene isn't his thing; he's somewhat lucky that Seri even took an interest way beyond his looks and his money. In fact, if he didn't have those, he doesn't think he'd even get a conversation going that isn't about business or the stock market.

But more than the socializing, it's the basic management of emotions and issues that he seems to suck the most at. He tried and failed at those things; now, he's a 35-year old man who can't seem to say the right things and who can't seem to make the right decisions. You both lied to his family, and now he's lying to you, when it's his feelings for you that got him deeper in this web of lies he finds himself in.

"What are you gonna do?" Yoongi had asked.

"I don't know. I need space to figure it out," Jin replied. "I need time to lessen the anger I have for myself. Maybe if I leave for a bit, I won't be so tempted to tell ___ everything."

"But isn't that what you need to do? Tell her everything? How do you think you're going to resolve this? By staying away?"

"She doesn't want me, Yoongi," Jin almost banged his head on his desk. "She's still in love with Namjoon; she's waiting for him to come back. Or ask her to run away again, I don't know. But she doesn't want me and I want to be with her. So where does that leave me?"

"I don't know, but definitely not where you are right now, because where you are is a mess, Jin."

He'd never agreed with his friend more, but honestly, Jin doesn't know what else to do but to just stay away for a bit. All he wants is to hold you, to be held by you, but he can't ask that of you without making you feel like some rebound. He knows you'd comfort him however you think you need to, and he wants that, but he can't fall into it knowing that you don't want the same thing, that it wouldn't mean the same as it would mean to him.

"I understand." Your voice takes him out of his thoughts. "I'm sure you need time to just get away and get over things, move on from them and all."

"I'll be back better," he smiles at you. "I know I had a lot of baggage coming from that relationship and I don't want to keep carrying it anymore."

There's something about the way Jin speaks that's different, like there's certainty but something more that you can't quite pinpoint, even with the tinge of sadness in it, as if he'd wronged you in some way even if you think there's nothing he should feel sorry about. But he's been through a break up. Anyone who does is bound to feel all kinds of different emotions that they may not yet fully understand. And you'll support him in whatever way, even if he'll be a few hundred miles away.