The Light of Dead Stars | KSJ

30

Osaka has always been Jin's favorite place to go to in Japan. Even if his meetings are mostly in Tokyo, he makes sure to spend at least a day in the port city. He's been here so many times yet there's always something new to discover. On this trip alone, he's gone bar hopping, on market eating sprees, and restaurant tours, allowing his time to absorb and appreciate the dishes to give him the peace he needs.

Merely sending you photos of all he's been devouring has worked. The nightly voice messages help him process his day without hearing much from you because he knows that hearing you respond to him will make him want to just pack up and go back home.

That's what he realized he likes the most - not just you, but how you are to him and how he is with you.

When he was still the Vice President, he barely interacted with you; the VP's office is tasked more with externals after all. As President, he has more involvement with the products, and that means more direct interactions with product research and development, your department. It wasn't until then when he'd taken notice of you - how you were whenever you engaged with him, and that brilliance and competence, of course. There was always an air of confidence and playfulness, which he thinks is natural to you, and this showed even more when you got married.

You have such passion for life but you also don't take it too seriously. And that's how you are with him - you care, but you like to tease him, to make fun of him, to rile him up and make him laugh, and you let him do the same with you. It's what he misses the most - your jokes, your silly comments, and your reminders for him to eat and to rest well.

And so not giving you a chance to actually talk with him has worked for the most part. It's the fourth day since he's been away, and while he's survived all this time, he still can't get rid of that crushing feeling of missing you. Being away has helped somehow. He's becoming a little more forgiving of himself; his conversations with strangers bring to light important things, and there's Yoongi too, surprisingly.

"Is the trip serving its purpose?" His friend asks over the phone, the only person Jin actually converses with due to work matters.

"I guess. Well, I hate myself less," Jin admits.

"Yeah, I hate you less, too."

"Gee, how comforting, Yoongi. I really don't miss you right now."

"I do. And I'm sorry for being harsh," the younger man sighs. "I just hate seeing you like this. I should've said something when you and ___ decided on this arrangement and then lied to your family about it. It just didn't seem right, like, something not good was bound to happen and now you're here."

"Why didn't you say anything then?"

"It wasn't my place."

"And now it is?" Jin chuckles.

"It still isn't. But I also kind of don't care because whether I acknowledge it or not, you are my friend, and I don't want to see you lose ___. I know she makes you happy, and it's something you haven't been for a long time."

"That's incredibly validating but also incredibly scary," Jin sighs. "I miss her so much. I keep thinking about her the whole time I'm here. Have you seen her? Is she doing okay?"

"Well, you asked me to pick her up from work everyday so yes, I do. And she's fine. She asks about you a lot. Kinda weird for your wife to be asking me, your secretary, how you're doing. Don't you talk to her?"

"I send her voice messages but I don't talk with her," Jin explains. "A stupid part of me thought that maybe out here, I could sort of feel less for her but no, I don't. And speaking with her will just make all the feelings even more real."