The Light of Dead Stars | KSJ

26

"Do you want some tea?"

It definitely wasn't what Jin was expecting after telling Seri that they have to end things, but it's cold and he's having a mini-heart attack so maybe something calming might help.

"Sure. Chamomile would be great," he replies.

He sits on the three-person couch in her living room that opens to the kitchen and her bedroom and watches her prepare his drink. Seri's quaint apartment used to make him feel comfortable and cozy; now, it's just suffocating.

She places the cup on the coffee table then pulls a chair from the kitchen counter to sit in front of him. She watches him blow the steam away before sipping. He always has this little smile that he makes after the first sip; it's one of the details she's noticed over the years and it's definitely something that she's going to miss.

"I'm sorry that this is hard for you, but you don't have to worry," Seri says, catching Jin by surprise. "I, uh, I guess I should've seen it coming."

"Hey, why are you apologizing to me?" He exclaims. "This is on me, it always was. I always thought everything was okay between us, that things were easy because they just were, without realizing that you always had to compromise, that you always had to adjust and understand."

"And I had to because we were each other's secrets, Jin. That's how it worked; it's how it always worked. And I used to think it was okay - that you kept me around as long as you did because something was just pulling you back to me, that there was something keeping you around. And I realized it's because I let you," Seri explains. "You say you haven't been fair to me and yes, that's partly true, but I haven't been fair to me, too."

Jin looks at Seri in shock, unwilling to believe that this is how it's going. He didn't expect her to fight back, but he expected her to ask more, to demand answers. "Fuck, what's happening," is what he manages to say.

"What, you didn't expect it'd be easy up until the end, huh?" She teases.

"It isn't easy, Seri. I've been unfair to you all this time and you don't deserve the way I've been treating you."

"Why, how are you treating me? A secret? Of course, that's what we are, and I agreed to it. You think I would've managed if word got out about us, about the mere assistant cozying it up with the Chairman's son?" She presses. "Sure, I was a 25-year old when it all started but I wasn't naive, and I'm not naive now. At the end of the day, you treated me well, way better than anyone I could think of who wouldn't keep me a secret. You're a good man, Jin. I hope what happened to us doesn't take that away from you."

"Am I, though? I couldn't.. I couldn't do anything for you, for us. I took 5 years of your life and–"

"I took 5 years of yours, too," Seri interjects. "We were on-and-off for a time but we just always found our way back to each other and I used to think that meant something but I never demanded more and I never expected you to do more, and that says something, too, doesn't it?"

"I love you, Jin, and I know for a fact that at one point, you loved me, too," she replies. "But if it was really enough and you wanted a future life together, then you would've introduced me to your parents and gone public about us but you never did. And that's on me - loving you so much that I chose to be blind to all the signs. I knew what I was to you, and I wasn't someone you were going to fight for."

"But that doesn't change anything, does it? Hearing what you wanted from me and not being able to do that... I'm sorry that I wasn't better to you, that I let this continue on," he mutters, the guilt multiplying at hearing what she'd been thinking.

"I took what I could get," she manages a smile. "You're a hard man to forget, Kim Seokjin. Anything from you was already much more than I could ever dream of. You take care of me in a lot of ways and I just... I knew the dream was gonna end at some point. I'm lucky it even lasted this long."