The Light of Dead Stars | KSJ

33

Jin leaves early the next morning and decides to meet with a potential distributor while he's there. He departs late at night, arrives in Seoul the next day, then heads straight to work with barely any rest. Upon hearing this, you go to him late in the afternoon and order him to go home.

Seeing you worried and upset, he relents, not wanting to stress you out as well. Maybe he can just sneak in some work while he's in his room, he thinks, but you surprise him by saying that you're going with him to make sure that he doesn't do any more things that can wait until tomorrow. Much as he wants to disobey you, deep inside, he doesn't want to. If you want to stay with him, all the better for him.

He missed you last week, given that he spent more time in the office than at home and missed all evenings of having dinner with you. It's only the middle of the week yet he already feels like he hasn't seen you enough, and that short moment from 2 nights ago when you massaged his head reminded him of just how much he craves your touch.

He's been more bold and daring in showing his affection, something he debated for a while because he didn't want to scare you. He's not typically that way, and you know that, but something about your warmth and comfort makes him want to hold onto you, to feel you in any way, to savor what little bit of intimacy you'll allow him to have with you.

Because ever since France, it's all he could think about. And he's been slowly closing the gap through lingering touches, close contact, and recently, longer hugs. They all seem so simple but they mean a great deal to him because even with the relationship he had with Seri, Jin has never had someone this close - close enough to see him at his most frustrated, most stressed, most vulnerable, most helpless, most imperfect, and his willingness and desire to bare it all to you told him just how much he wants you in more ways than that.

Love had become tainted for him ever since his ex-girlfriend left him. There was this hole she left that remained open, and he'd accepted that it was never meant to be filled by anything nor anyone because when love hurts you, it hurts real bad, and it takes away your belief and trust in it. Those who came after her couldn't even get near the door, and he wasn't willing to open it the slightest for anyone, even Seri.

She was a lot of things, but she wasn't love, he realized; at least in the way he hoped. She was care and comfort and pleasure and exhilaration; she was company, the breaks in between the tiring and stressful moments, but she wasn't love. He kept her at a distance for a reason, he realized during that trip to Japan over 2 months ago, and that was because he didn't want that hole in his heart to be covered, to be replaced. He realized that he wanted something else, something permanent.

He wanted nurturing and something comfortable in the midst of the hardships; he wanted softness and warmth at the end of the pleasure and exhilaration; he wanted companionship, partnership, a sense of freedom from all the things that bind him at work and his family. He didn't just want moments, he wanted something that lingered, that stayed with him, that he remembers and looks forward to, that he craves and longs for, and as he tried to ground himself and his feelings during that trip, all he thought of was you, and how everything he wanted, he found in you.

Jin has been careful, but sometimes he can't help it - intertwining his fingers with yours, pulling you close, savoring your sleepy eyes and pouty mouth before you fall into slumber. What he can't help the most is yearning for you, as the desire for more intensifies everyday, whether he's with you or not, all he wants is you.

It's Friday when he caps off another tiring week. Things are looking up this time, as Sejeong had taken much of the lead in handling all the concerns this time. She's amazing at it, too, and he's just thankful that he could at least savor the last day of the week, knowing he'll be coming home to you.