The Light of Dead Stars | KSJ

34

You wake up the next morning feeling sore and exhausted, but it's the good and welcomed kind. You don't remember feeling this satisfied after sex since you haven't had someone touch you the way Jin did in a long time.

You and Namjoon merely cuddled, since you were both in a weird spot for years and neither one of you wanted to go there if it wasn't something you could do regularly. You did hook up with someone 2 years ago - a friend of Dara's who was kind and decent, but it was a one-time thing and it's not like sex was something you looked for. You had your own ways of pleasuring yourself and those had always been enough.

But Jin was pretty amazing. You didn't know what to focus on - the way he was ramming into you and pleasuring you, or on the way he looked because seriously, that man is gorgeous whether he's naked or dressed in a potato sack.

He made you feel good, not just in terms of the sex but also about yourself. He let you know that you deserved to feel that kind of pleasure, that he wasn't waiting for anything in return even if you did ask to have him in your mouth. He was gentle more than anything, especially during that second round. He wanted it to last but he wanted you to feel everything, too. He made you felt safe and wanted and cared for, and that's something you never felt in all the times you had sex with your previous partners or hookups.

Perhaps it gets better with age, or maybe Jin is just that guy who's literally good at everything, but either way, you thoroughly enjoyed it. It doesn't mean you want all this, though, at least right away. You agreed to more affection because it seems natural; it also seems like he needs it and quite frankly, so do you. Work has been tough and coming home to good food and a warm embrace and maybe even a kiss on the lips after a long, tiring day sounds just about right.

"Hey, what are you thinking about?" His gruff voice pulls you out of your thoughts.

You're much closer than you usually are when you sleep next to each other. You're also both naked, limbs entangled underneath the warm sheets.

"About last night," you say, shifting to face him.

"Do you regret it?" He asks nervously.

"Of course not," you reply. "Kinda just can't help thinking about it since my thighs are sore. All the years of rejecting Kook to go to the gym or for a run are catching up to me."

Jin merely smiles, just savoring you close and natural like this. "I don't regret it, either. But same, I'm pretty sore. I haven't done this in so long, too."

You don't prod and only smile back. He did mention in France that he and Seri haven't done much in a while. It's his sex life and you never dared ask about it, and even with this development in your relationship, you don't intend to.

"But we're good?" He asks. "Did, uh, did anything change for you?"

He hopes that you're not taken aback by his question, but he wants to know if there's any change from last night, if there were feelings all along that you suddenly realize are there and want to act on, or if after waking up next to him and maybe liking how it feels, you'll want more, be ready to be more, maybe take this whole marriage thing seriously this time.

"We're good, and no, not really. I mean, I don't want us to feel rushed or pressured just because we had sex," you reason. "But all I can think about right now is that you're seriously so hot and I don't feel weird saying that to you even with your morning wood poking my thigh," you chuckle, and he groans in embarrassment but pinches your cheeks because you really have to tease and annoy him this early in the morning.

"But uh, I know you asked me what I wanted it to mean but what about you?" You wonder.

He wants to be honest, but there's a look of uncertainty and even nervousness in your eyes.

You've talked about Namjoon openly, about the special connection you have with the man and even if you claim that 5 years is a long time to wait for someone, Jin knows deep inside that you still are - waiting, wondering, and maybe even hoping.

Even as your husband, he feels it's not his place to ask you to want him back because he knew what he was getting himself into, and he fears that doing so will just push you away, especially if you're yearning for someone else. Jin knows what not having closure is like; he didn't really get it from his ex-girlfriend, and that's what kept him from moving forward for years.

And so he chooses to follow your pace, thinking that waiting for you to develop feelings for him would be the better option than laying it all out to you right away, especially when he's unsure of how you feel, and when you're still waiting on someone else. Jin can't take an outright rejection right now, or have you be unsure, or even have you leave him because of closure you never got; that, he's sure of.

"Well, it means that I'm comfortable with this, with whatever we are and whatever we can be," he responds, trying to give you a genuine smile. "It's been nice spending more time with you. You've helped me a lot, especially these past few weeks with all the stress and last night, it just felt right to do that with you. And I agree, let's see where things go, figure things out from here."

"It's been nice spending time with you, too," you smile. "Like, I know France was fake romance period for us but it was fun getting to know you that way. You're as perfect and as imperfect as I expected."

"Hmm, I don't know if that's a compliment but thanks?" He chuckles.

"It means you're a lot of great things but also still human," you explain. "You make me feel giddy sometimes but you also annoy me shitless. We have a pretty good dynamic and honestly, that's all I could ever want. Less drama and all. I don't really know how to deal with all that, you know? I just want something simple and contrary to how everything started, I think that's what we are."

Jin agrees for the most part. It was simple at the beginning because there were clear limits and boundaries of what you were and weren't. He had plans before and after you, and so did you. Until of course, France happened and changed everything for him; he crossed the line and couldn't help from falling even more. And every time he thinks about baring his heart to you, a part of him gets scared of what will happen after.

Seeing you smile softly at him and pinch his cheeks out of affection are all he needs to just hold onto his feelings for a little longer. He just hopes at some point, you'll start to feel something, too.