The Light of Dead Stars | KSJ

38

"I'd like to say I should've seen it coming but also, fuck, I didn't see that coming," Jungkook exclaims as he munches on his pork belly from your favorite barbecue place that all 4 of you are eating in his apartment. "So this whole time, he's been in love with you and you were just going on like things were normal? And that Seri resigned because he's in love with you? And you're angry because he's in love with y—"

"Yah! You made your point," you kick his shin. "And he said he was falling in love with me. There's a difference."

"No, there isn't. You're just being dumb," Dara says. "That's kinda like, softening the blow, I guess, considering that you were adamant about not being in a relationship and still being hung up on Namjoon. And the fact that you did the deed before all this revelation and I still need the deets."

"I am not still hung up on Namjoon," you correct, but backtracking at her knowing face. "I mean, not as much as before. Obviously, there's that past that I haven't gotten around to completely letting go and resolving so, yeah. And can we focus on the issue at hand please and not the sex?"

"The sex is a part of the issue, you dummy!" She spits.

"Where does that leave Joon, then?" Jimin asks. "And where does that leave you and Jin?"

"I don't know, honestly," you sigh. "I haven't heard from either of them and especially with Jin, I don't know what he's thinking, or what else he's feeling. And I'm not gonna be the one who'll reach out."

"Are you still mad, though?" Jimin wonders. "Like, anger is an acceptable first reaction. But what about now?"

"The shock's worn out a bit but there's still a lot to process - what he feels, what I feel. I mean, I was taking my time and now I feel like I have to speed it up just because he already knows what he feels and I just don't like not being on the same page. He and I always were."

"But what else are you confused about?" Jungkook asks. "You clearly feel something for Mr. Boss Man Husband. And he's in love with you, and you can be, too. I mean, yeah you have this grand plan of divorcing and shit but honestly, that sounds pretty stupid right now compared to all that's going down at this moment."

"It's still an option," you respond.

"Okay, but that was before all this. Before he broke up with Seri because he wants you. Now my man's gonna be alone for the rest of his life and not until you make up your mind about Namjoon, if, by some miracle, he even decides to come back, then so will you," he counters.

"I wouldn't really mind," you roll your eyes.

"Yes, you do. Because I know deep down, you want to be loved, you want to be cared for, to have someone you can enjoy this life with, and there's nothing wrong with that!" He says passionately this time. "Those assholes took so much from you and I get it but—"

"Exactly, Kook! They took so much from me and I loved them," you choke. "I haven't even given much to Jin but he already hurt me. What happens when I do? What do I have to live through and survive this time?"

"Okay, not that I defend the lying because I'm still gonna give him shit for it," Jungkook replies, "but he's clearly way better than those fuckers. And fine, even if it's not Jin, or the heck, it can even be Joon but what I'm also trying to say is that ___, you deserve love and yeah, it may hurt a bit but the right one won't hurt all the time. I just hope you won't have your wall up forever and actually see that some things and people are worth getting over your fears for."

You let your best friend's words settle. This is a man who watched you grow up even if you lived 130 miles from each other, the one who saw the worst and best of everything about you once you became an adult; he even got arrested for yes, beating up your ex, and you know he means what he says that he just wants the best for you, in whoever or whatever form that might be.

Because he's also right - you do want that love, you want that care. You worked hard to be where you are now and you want to enjoy it with someone who wants the same things as you. But as you learned, it's not always easy.

"I just don't know what to expect with Jin," you sigh. "With Joon, I've come to expect it, you know? We have such deep care for each other but I expect him just being away, or not following up on his promise yet. Better that I know than not at all."

"That's valid but you also wouldn't know until you work it out with Mr. Stupid Handsome Husband. Listen to him or talk to him, and maybe reach out to Joon, too. It's about time you also decide what you want from him," Jungkook responds, earning him a nod and an affectionate lean on his shoulder from you.

"Just to be clear, you're not in love with ___, right?" Dara asks Jungkook, who visibly chokes along with you. "I mean, you had an impassioned speech and I just wanted to make sure that I wasn't misinterpreting it or anything."

You're laughing now, and it's a good distraction, really, as you constantly shake your head.

"Just to be clear - no," Jungkook responds. "I want to be babied and ___ hates it. She wants a strong, independent man and that's not me."

"You're right, you're a literal man-child," you playfully roll your eyes.

"Now since that's settled," Jimin gets everyone's attention, "what are you planning to do now?" He asks you.

"I guess... give Jin a chance to say what he wants to say, if he plans to," you sigh. "And maybe call Joon or something, see how he is and maybe he could help me figure things out."

That last bit wouldn't take long, you find out. Later that night, as you lay in bed and wait to fall asleep, you get a text message you weren't really expecting. It's from Namjoon.