The Light of Dead Stars | KSJ

43

Seokjin watches you turn around and go down the stairs and out the door, the image of you walking away from him embedded in his mind. It's gonna sting for a long time, he knows.

You're headed for the stars, to the man who's held your heart for years and whose heart you've kept so close to yours for just as long.

Seokjin knows what this trip means and where it could head. When he accompanied you to see Namjoon back in France, the fear and worry that Jin felt was unfamiliar, so was the jealousy at the sight of both of you so close and comfortable, like you could spend the rest of your lives just gazing at each other's eyes, talking, and it would be a life well lived.

There was relief when you said that you'd just caught up, and even more when you turned down the man's offer to run away to Italy. Seokjin was confused then, still getting used to the bubbling feeling of joy and comfort and perhaps little crush he was developing on you, which he soon would learn would be the continuation of the origin story of his broken heart.

This time is different. There's fear, definitely; there's heartbreak more than anything. But there's also that acceptance, that hope, knowing that with the difficult decision of letting you go, you could be with someone who would maybe love you better, or just love you the way you want to, however that is. He could at least comfort himself knowing that at the end of it all, you'll be happy.

The house feels so empty. It's been that way for 2 weeks now, actually. Even before things changed, you were here - in the kitchen making him breakfast, on the counter badgering him to make you taste what he's cooking; on the couch watching cooking shows, in your room, opening the door to yell something to him from across the hall.

Who knows what will happen when you come back - if you come back. He made the first step to letting you go, after all; all you need to do is take what he'd given and then walk away.

Legal documents have been drafted some time ago. It was one of the things you both talked about behind your families' backs but neither one of you actually had them finalized. You'd both communicated to the lawyers what the provisions of your divorce papers would be, but neither one of you had actually read them, thinking it would be a while before you needed to.

Seokjin wanted to give you that choice, he wanted to give you that out, he wanted to let you know that it was okay if you chose to proceed with the plan you both talked about, even if there was no one who'd be waiting for him on his end.

Making that decision wasn't easy. He'd messaged your brother about arranging the VIP room for your father, saying that you'd insist on the private one instead but Jin had always been adamant about giving your family the best care. Hoseok had apologized about you missing the awarding ceremony, saying that he can very well take care of your father but that you preferred to be at the hospital, and somehow Jin had been even more hurt, as he was desperate for you, and he hated that it affected him that much.

Something about you missing the ceremony that night convinced him that you were drifting away for good. He doesn't know how to hold the rope - if he should grip tighter and pull you in, let it stay loose until you make your way back, or let go because maybe you just need the push to make the decision to leave.

And signing those divorce papers was him, letting it stay loose but giving you that chance to walk away at the same time. At least then he knows that he didn't trap you, and if you came back, at least he knows you chose him.

He releases a deep breath, sinking into the floor of the living room and putting the TV on the sports channel on mute. He'd snuck in the envelope with the divorce papers inside your carry-on luggage, in between all the clothes, so he guesses you'll see it when you land in Hong Kong. That's about 4 hours from now, and he doesn't know what to do until then.