A Most Dangerous Weapon

Chapter 33: Misunderstandings

Rowan stomps around with his fingers to his temple, trying to release the pressure that was building up to avoid a major headache. He was on the brink of foaming at the mouth. His chest rapidly rose and fell as he breathed in and out, gritting his teeth throughout. His eyes remained glued to the floor as he moved. He refused to look at me, probably because the sight of me would make things worse. He later began to mumble under his breath. I couldn't quite decipher his words, but it seemed like he was trying to piece things together.

I refused to speak first. I waited for him to calm down enough to address me.

After some time he stopped in his tracks and brought his gaze back up to mine. He no longer looked enraged, simmering down to a level of annoyance. He let out a heavy sigh to cool off before muttering in a low tone, "Why are you only telling me this now?" He was doing his best to control his emotions in order to return to some semblance of civility.

What surprised me the most about this outburst was how quickly Rowan was able to simmer down. Rowan just proved once more that he was nothing like Maximus or Decimus. He was clearly mad at me, but he was kind enough to not get carried away by his emotions so he could properly hear me out. If I were speaking to his father or brother, this conversation would end up being a screaming match that ran in circles.

It was best for me to adapt. As much as I wanted to barrel through my words in a frantic manner to justify my secret and defend my brother, I chose to answer Rowan's question slowly and calmly to keep the peace.

"I want to trust you, Rowan. Telling you about my brother seemed like the right thing to do. I thought you'd understand my brother's situation and forgive him, just like you did for Loxley and Arlo. I'm not sure why this makes you so mad-"

"I'm not mad about your brother's current profession, Candra. I'm mad at you."

"You knew I was keeping a secret. You weren't mad before..."

He places his fingers on the top of his nose between his brows. His eyelids close as he frowns again. "Tell me that your plan to save the royal bastards is real."

"Excuse me?"

"Tell me that we didn't do all this just so you could find your brother."

I fell silent as I took in the implication.

He looks back at me dejectedly. "You never had any intention of putting a royal bastard on the throne, did you? You just wanted help finding your brother."

I shook my head, but I couldn't find the words.

He went on, "Was it your plan to leave us after you found him? You would abandon the mission, taking your brother, Arlo and Kilgorian with you..."

"N-... no...."

"You figured I would be left with no choice but to take the throne myself. After all, the royal bastards are probably all dead by now... and if not, your brother would certainly take care of that before we find him. You're forcing my hand; I'll be left to lead the army to kill both Emperors..."

"That's not-"

"You had no intention of fighting in this war, did you? Was the gladiator army meant to be a parting gift? Did you offer to gather these fighters so you'd feel less guilty when you walked away?"

"Rowan, I'm not leaving you!"

"How am I supposed to believe you?!" He asked, throwing his hands out in defeat at the implausibility of my statement. "I always thought that your plan to put a royal bastard on the throne was quite far-fetched, and you've made your position about taking the throne yourself abundantly clear. So where does that leave me? I suppose I'll be sitting on a throne that I never wanted."