15 - Surgery

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"Bye Daddy

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"Bye Daddy." Charlie said as I squeezed her hand one more time and they rolled her hospital bed out of the room, leaving me by myself.

"She's gonna be okay. She's in good hands. We have some of the best surgeons here." Nora says, softly touching my arm.

"Thanks."

"And we both know Brinley won't let anything happen." She says giving my forearm a squeeze.

"I know." I breath out.

"Alright, I'm off to France." She says, waving dramatically as she walks out.

And just like that, I'm left alone in an empty hospital room. One that five minutes ago, was filled with toddler giggles, and is now, sad and empty. I sigh, taking a seat in the cushioned reclining chair. Pulling out my phone, I look at hockey stats.

Time goes by slowly as I try to busy myself. I've paced the room. The entire floor. The waiting area. Hell I've even take a couple of rides on the elevator just for the hell of it.

I've sat. I've stood. I've tapped my leg. I've leaned back in my seat. I've leaned forward. Hell, I even sat on the ground for a minute. Then, I spun around on the stool the doctors sit on for a couple of minutes before I got dizzy.

I knew Charlie was okay but, I was still a dad at the end of the day. I worry. I get anxious. Is my daughter okay? Is she happy? Does she have a missing piece to her, where her mother belongs? Of course she does, every child without a parent does.

But, maybe she was different. Maybe she had some weird super power that let her know her mother wasn't a good person and she didn't need her. Maybe, she didn't want her.

Maybe she just wanted someone like Brinley to step in and fill that void.

Shit. Fuck. I'm screwed.

The minute it entered my mind, I couldn't stop thinking about it. What if Brinley was that person. It'd be perfect, because Brinley can't have kids.

I can't think like that. She doesn't even like me like that.

But, what if she does? And she's just really good at hiding it.

Maybe that's it. Maybe it's not.

I don't know. It's eating away at me.

Then my mind races back to Charlie. Then Brinley. Then Brinley with Charlie.

What if Charlie gets too attached to Brinley? What if she already is too attatched? She made a comment about Brinley being my girlfriend one time. Does she already see Brinley in a motherly form? I can't be thinking about this. This is wrong. We're not even together. But I want to be.

I want to be with her all the time. I want to be able to touch her whenever. I want to kiss her. I want to fuck her. I want her to be mine already, dammit.

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