Scars Of Love | Iguro Obanai

01

What does it feel like to be loved by the person you wanted to wake up with every morning?

What does it feel like to feel warmth and comfort from someone you dearly love? The feeling of safety in their arms,

What does it feel like?

You could only watch the couple in front of you hugging each other in relief and fear after that gruesome fight you had with a certain lower moon, the way they held each other so delicately as if one of them might left the other if not careful was something you wanted to experience.

Something you wanted to feel from a certain someone.

"I'm so thankful that you're safe!" Those cries, you wanted to hear those too from someone you deeply cared and cherished.

"You aren't her, you will never be her."

Sheathing your sword, you then left the area without saying anything leaving the couple in their own little moment. The low ranked slayers would be checking the area along with another pillar so you were free to go on another mission, a mission you weren't really hoping to be in.

"A snow pillar, too weak, too fragile, you aren't the most beautiful woman in my eyes."

"To me, you are nothing but a stranger who wants to break into my life. So stop trying."

Those words from someone you deeply cared for all the years, the person who became your inspiration to become strong, the person who didn't failed in protecting you from that harmful night.

Turned you down in the harshest way someone could ever reject.

Heart wrenching, they say. But you didn't feel anything but relief and happiness, that even if his words were the opposite of your expectations. He still managed to tell what he felt about you.

Even if his feelings for you were nowhere near in love.

"[First Name]-san!" a soft voice called from behind.

"Kochou," you replied.

The said woman greeted you with a silly grin as her calm purple eyes stared at your blank ones with admiration.

Shinobu Kochou, one of the pillars who became your friend after becoming one.

"I'm glad that you're the one I'm paired up with, what do you think?" she chirped, her hands clasped together as she walked ahead of you in a messy manner.

You only shook your head at this and chuckle, "I'm also glad that I'm paired with you, Kochou."

It was a stressful month for both you and the insect pillar since Kagaya seemed to be handing you more missions than usual as someone who's almost immune to the cold, you were always the one to patrol in a cold night or even day. The other pillars would only be checking the villages you visited to make sure demons won't be flocking back in those areas.

Aside from that, the other pillars would be focused on smaller duties unless an upper moon appear.

As for the insect pillar, she's always busy. May it be winter or not, with the butterfly estate having more wounded slayers coming over after a fight with a demon Shinobu couldn't get a bit more rest. She also joins you in your missions when told, especially when it's winter. The butterfly woman would be with you from time to time saying it was necessary for you to have someone while on patrol, how it's so unfair for you to be doing most of the work during cold seasons.

Though you never really minded it as you thought it was also something you could abuse to make yourself stronger, having solo missions was good for you especially during these seasons. It was your own way to improve yourself.

"Anyways." You snapped your attention towards Shinobu in curiosity.

"How was your confession for Iguro-san?" she asked.

You halted in your tracks while biting your lips unconsciously. The insect pillar also stopped as she turned her way towards you in confusion, only for her to widen her eyes in realization.

"Did he reject you?"

That hurt.

You managed to bring a comforting smile for your friend to see, "It's not a big deal."

"You've been crushing on him ever since," she started.

It was true, your feelings for the serpent pillar was as clear as the pure river. Anyone could see it right through you, even Obanai himself. But he chose to ignore it and went on with his admiration for the beautiful love pillar, someone you cannot compete with when it comes to getting his affection and attention.

He loves Mitsuri as much as you love him, and that hurts you in many levels.

"I never really expected him to accept me as his lover Kochou, so it's alright." You could only see her pressing her lips in a thin line before smiling slightly.

"It's good that you weren't."

"It's amusing to know that you're not expecting something, especially after your pathetic confession. Are you hearing yourself, [Last Name]?"

It hurts.

You just wanted him to know about your feelings for him, you just wanted him to know your appreciation after all those things that he did despite his hatred for you. Was it so wrong to tell him that you love him?

Maybe you did expect something, maybe you did hope that something might change after your confession.

Was it so wrong to even hope?

Even though you knew that he wasn't going to acknowledge you as a woman, you still did it.

You're stupid enough.

Seeing your conflicted look, Shinobu could only stare at you in pity.

She didn't know what it feels to be in your shoes, she didn't know the feeling of getting crushed by the person you love dearly, she didn't know anything about someone hurting her because of a confession.

Shinobu always thought it was stupid for people to be dependent on someone, especially when they weren't even blood related. When she first learned of your feelings for the serpent pillar, she was amused and annoyed at the same time.

She even thought you were pathetic for loving someone.

"But [First Name], loving someone is silly."

Those words, she remembers it clearly. Her ignorant comment about someone's personal feelings.

Seeing you right now in an almost broken state makes her realize that loving someone wasn't the easiest thing to do, especially when almost everyone around you likes you for who you are except for a few.

And Iguro Obanai was one of them.

Upon not hearing your calls for her to continue walking, Shinobu was left standing in thought.

How could you be so strong to endure his treatment towards you, [First Name]?