A collection of messy poems from mid September.
I did not
I was very hopeful for my attempts at being sober, I thought maybe I'd last longer than the two days I had made it so far.
I did not.
I realized how flimsy the shoes I wore were when I fell apart on the third day.
I thought I would push into late September and maybe I'd learn that I could last for longer than I had imagined I would.
I did not.
I always turn back to that relationship, with shaky hands and tired eyes I turn back to what one day may be the death of me.
Thoughts and rambles from my little dark age
At my job at the library I have many hours to wait, wait for someone to check books in or out, wait for the front desk to be busy, so while at the reception I have plenty of time to write.
I always hope they don't follow and read my heart poured out onto the page.
I write about many things that I don't speak of for one reason or another.
Today my mind is full of cotton, I can't write in the same way I did yesterday.
I get this sense that I am writing through a fog, directionless and unsure.
I once thought my little dark age had come to an end, but I am not so sure.
I was excited to have hope for what felt like for the first time in months. I know I shouldn't regret writing about doing better, I aim to capture above all else, although a part of me wishes I was more honest with myself about this time period.
I doubt my little dark age will end suddenly, I will have to grow towards the sun before things can change, but I do not see myself growing in such ways anytime soon.
Isn't that a strange thing to admit?
I am not ready to turn to the next chapter away from my little dark age.
On feeling okay
In my life I have a tendency to fly between a deep sense of sorrow and being entirely ecstatic.
I am deeply unhappy, holding back tears, struggling to make it through the day, or I am vibrating with joy, I shine like the sun, but never in between.
I rarely know a normal mood, so when he comes by I am unsettled by the sense of normalcy.
I sit in my body that isn't here nor there and feel this unique sense of calm.
YOU ARE READING
Letters from sixteen
PoetryA poetry book I wrote during periods of my life with many different facets. I wrote about happy moments, addiction, and trauma, the book becomes more depressing as it goes on. I choose the title "letters from sixteen" to capture how I wanted to capt...
