This chapter reflects and vents about my past experiences with SA, written over two days so the dates may be slightly off. Tw: SA
One month one day
The moment I picked up the phone to call my mom isn't a vivid one in my memory, but the impact it has caused repairs the moments lost.
I remember shaking, crying, and staring at something I can't quite remember with the knowledge that life wouldn't ever be the same again.
That was May 12th, a month and a day later life has changed in ways I never imagined.
I used to feel like killing myself quite often, now it feels like more of a passing thought than an action I'd ever take.
I know even if I'm drowning in an abysmal sea, there's more of a chance of shore than I ever imagined.
I have a deep sense of relief that I never saw available to me.
I thought on my deepest level that the day I spoke up was the day I died, but on may 12th I did not die, it was the start of a life untainted by the pain of secrets.
Haunt me
There's something about secrets of abuse that seem to haunt your every move,
For much of my life I was making choices from the perspective of that hurt child, and most of the time I didn't realize it.
Unwritten, unspoken, unheard of, the memories that keep us up at night only to remain between the walls of our minds are a ghost that follows your every move.
Unanswered questions
How could you go through something so painful only to put the same pain onto someone you were supposed to love?
Why couldn't you just use your own hands?
Why did you pick me out?
Was it because I was scared enough to keep a secret?
How could you like someone so small?
How could you get off on that sort of fear?
Did you like seeing me scared?
Do you ever feel bad for what you did?
Do you ever feel bad enough?
Do you feel bad every day?
Why won't you just admit you did?
Do you really think there's any getting away with this?
How could you do that to someone so small?
How could you keep going when you saw my fear?
How could you do that to anyone at all?
YOU ARE READING
Letters from sixteen
PoetryA poetry book I wrote during periods of my life with many different facets. I wrote about happy moments, addiction, and trauma, the book becomes more depressing as it goes on. I choose the title "letters from sixteen" to capture how I wanted to capt...
