Tw: CSA
Today: part one
Last night my sister had a seizure on our bedroom floor.
My mom called her name again and again, something about the tone of her voice broke me.
She sounded so tired.
I remember lying down on my bed, then hearing her get bad again, then dozing off repeatedly.
I fell asleep before it was over.
Today my parents planned out their divorce.
They talked in the kitchen, loudly, about the money, they are trying their best, I know that, but sometimes I wish they could figure things out differently.
Sometimes I wish their best was less messy, but mine isn't exactly clean either is it?
I hate being in my bedroom.
How I am to sleep in the bed I experienced true horror in.
How am I to sleep when in that same bed I was seen as nothing more then an object,
As a toy to play with and leave behind when you grow out of this phase.
I don't know exactly how I want my world to look but I know it's not like this.
Today: part two
Today I made a fort. Something about this new home has been an angel in my life.
I put all my art supplies and plushies under the bed in what seems to be some perfect boxes.
I laid a tapestry on the ground and hung a green blanket over my heart.
I put all my favorite belongings in the dresser, my art journals, memory boxes, books I've written, all books between two heart shaped book stoppers.
I hung two cork boards on my wall, all for my art to like someday soon, and a dry erase board for good measure.
There's a special spot for my lamp and backpack,
It's perfect really.
In this all chaos it feels like a place of sanctuary.
Sniffing the flowers
This summer has gone far from expected.
I intended to enjoy myself in days spent at the river and thrift stores.
It's been a steep walk, but a walk uphill.
I have struggled quite a bit this summer but it's all part of moving through life, this time with more ease, hopefully someday soon.
Although in the past week I have experienced joy in a way I haven't in some time.
I saw a friend after weeks of isolation.
Favorites and interests resurfaced.
Things felt quiet, like they finally made sense.
It was a beautiful blur.
Things have changed, taken steps backward, but better days will come as they did once before.
Life underwater
For some time I've been watching my life from under water.
I watch the humans as they laugh and connect with each other.
I try to be human as they are, yet I am still in this deep sea.
I see life pass me by and play my part to make it my own, but it's always from a distance.
YOU ARE READING
Letters from sixteen
PoetryA poetry book I wrote during periods of my life with many different facets. I wrote about happy moments, addiction, and trauma, the book becomes more depressing as it goes on. I choose the title "letters from sixteen" to capture how I wanted to capt...
